We Need To Ask The Tough Questions

As I stood in a school gym last week watching my 9-year-old daughter play basketball, I suddenly wondered if the coach would ever shoot the children.

A guy like Thomas Hamilton will do that to parents. Hamilton was the coach who walked into a Scottish elementary school and shot to death 16 children, their teacher and himself. The man apparently snapped from the pressure of an investigation into his alleged sexual harassment of boys.

As parents, we shudder at this tragedy but console ourselves in the thought that Hamilton was an aberration. Indeed, his burst of violence set a standard for random carnage. But as a journalist who has studied thousands of cases of sex abuse in American youth organizations, I know that Hamilton’s fixation is not so rare: Our youth teams, troops and camps are littered with a disturbing minority of adults who are sexually attracted to the kids.

And we can’t count on the teams and camps to keep them out.

The fact is, youth groups attract pedophiles.

From 1971 through 1991, the Boy Scouts of America kicked out more than 2,000 leaders for alleged sex abuse. Every youth organization - from Big Brothers/Big Sisters to the YMCA to church-run day camps - struggles with this risk.

In recent years, these organizations have increased their efforts to screen out unfit leaders. But no personality test detects pedophilia. Criminal record checks help, but most molesters don’t have records. Many organizations have blacklists of adults whom they’ve banned for improper behavior, but they rarely share those lists with each other; they’re afraid of slander suits.

Besides, starved as they are for help, many groups go light on the background checks for fear of offending and losing volunteers. So, while joining some youth groups is like getting into the Royal Family, for others the main criterion is a willingness to spend time with other people’s kids.

That leaves it to parents to ask the questions. But how do we say, “Thanks for teaching my daughter the jump shot. Are you sick in the head?” Even though I’m an author who has spoken on radio, TV and in bookstores about how parents can fight abuse, I have never taken a certain piece of my own advice: asking about the backgrounds of my daughter’s coaches.

In the past three years, Alyssa has been in soccer, gymnastics, Brownies, track and basketball. I have no reason to suspect anything improper. Neither did most parents whose children were molested by youth leaders.

Perhaps this has some volunteers screaming. After all, the vast majority of them are motivated only by altruism.

But as the FBI’s chief expert on pedophiles told me, “Beware the teacher of the year.”

Cynical? Sure. But he’s seen too many pedophiles get access to children because parents were just grateful that someone offered to run a team or theater group.

And pedophiles will get access. Hamilton was kicked out of the British Scout Association in 1974, so he formed his own youth club. In the United States, molesters who’ve been kicked out of one group, such as Little League, have moved to other groups or formed their own. I know a man who is serving 30 years for molesting boys in a troop that he joined while on probation for molesting boys in another troop. He was also a teacher and soccer coach.

In this and other abuse cases, parents were unwitting accomplices. Youth leaders routinely complain about parents treating them like baby sitters - dropping off the children and disappearing, even relying on the leaders to bring the kids home. Convicted molesters tell me they were shocked at how often they were left alone with a dozen kids.

Great, parents say. Now we have to watch every minute of every practice? No. We need some presence, and we need to teach our children more than, “If someone touches your private parts, tell me.” Children must know that abusers are usually trusted adults, like coaches. Youth organizations, libraries and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children in Arlington, Va., have literature and videos to help.

And we have to ask the backgrounds of our children’s leaders. Don’t accept, “We all know Bob.” Seek specifics. Did anyone call other youth groups that the man worked for? Check past employers?

Such questions would not have prevented Hamilton from walking into a school with four guns and firing. But these questions can reduce the more common danger of abusers joining our youth groups. Our youth leaders must suspend any hurt feelings and welcome the questions as good for the children.

Starting this week, I’ll ask youth groups about the backgrounds of Alyssa’s leaders. I’m sure my daughter’s coach won’t mind.

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