Cheap Seats


Fore! And aft!

Golf World magazine called it a “course in one” - going from the first tee to the 18th hole in one stroke.

It happened last month to 56-year-old Neville Rowlandson. Teeing off on the first hole at Felixstowe Ferry Golf Club in Suffolk, England, Rowlandson deflected his drive off a marker in front of his tee. The ball caromed to the right, went 25 yards, struck the pin on the 18th green and dropped into the cup.

But did he take a mulligan?

Bald four

Baldmania has swept the Los Angeles Dodgers clubhouse. First Raul Mondesi and Delino DeShields shaved their heads, and soon teammates Roger Cedeno and Chad Fonville followed. So who’s next?

Brett Butler said he’d shave his head if everyone decided to as a team. Asked who might be less likely to undergo a clipping between bachelors Mike Piazza and Eric Karros, Butler laughed and said: “I think it’s about a tie.

“There’s a difference between single and ugly and married and ugly,” Butler said.

Said Piazza: “It’s not going to happen. I don’t know what the heck everyone’s talking about. Shave my head and look like those guys? I’ve got a personal life to think about.”

Asked if baldmania could become strong enough to change his mind, Piazza said: “It’s a failing movement. It’s like the Cuba junta. It will always get crushed.”

Good thing she didn’t send candy

The basket of flowers Cincinnati Reds owner Marge Schott sent to umpires in sympathy over John McSherry’s death was recycled, the Dayton Daily News has reported.

Schott scribbled a sympathy note, attached it to flowers that had been given to her on opening day by the team’s television affiliate, and had them sent to the umpires’ dressing room. The newspaper cited two unidentified sources for its report.

McSherry collapsed behind home plate on opening day in Cincinnati and died at a hospital. Schott was criticized nationally for saying she felt cheated because the game had to be postponed.

Here’s the poem she inscribed on the sympathy note: “Roses are red, violets are blue, sorry your pal is dead, now let’s play two.”

Other than that, David Robinson can play

The cover of Dennis Rodman’s new book, “Bad As I Wanna Be,” features a photo of the Chicago forward buck naked, save for a strategically placed basketball. It’s beyond the cover - in the profanity-laced pages - that Rodman really bares all.

Rodman takes a few shots at NBA commissioner David Stern and several fellow players. But most of his venom is saved for the San Antonio Spurs, who traded him to Chicago for Will Perdue after blaming Rodman for playoff collapses in 1994 and 1995.

“You can blame me … but where was Sean Elliott? Did he ever stop Clyde Drexler? Where was David (Robinson)? They might be more of a basketball team if David Robinson didn’t freeze up every time they play a big game.”

They’ll drink to that

Some soccer clubs drive their fans to drink by constantly losing. Manchester United doesn’t need that excuse. The popular team is marketing its brand of whiskey, Manchester United Premier Blend, produced in Scotland.

“Having their name on a whiskey bottle will almost be a challenge and an invitation to young people to drink underage,” lawmaker Sir Teddy Taylor said.

The Rev. Ian Paisley, who regularly preaches about the evils of alcohol, was aghast.

“It is to be regretted that a football team of the standing of Manchester United should be prepared to encourage young teenagers by a process of propaganda to be imbibers of alcoholic beverages,” Paisley said.

The last word …

“That is one incredible year for the Bulls - or 10 incredible years for the Clippers.”

- Jay Leno, after the Bulls won 70 games

, DataTimes

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