Watch Those Church Bulletins

Dear Ann Landers: After reading the English signs from foreign countries, I thought you might enjoy this list of announcements from church bulletins. It certainly gave everyone in our office a good laugh. I hope you and your readers get one too. - Your Fans at First State Bank of Porter, Ind.

Dear Fans in Porter: I did, indeed, laugh and am sure my readers will too. Thanks from all of us. Here are the announcements from the church bulletins:

1. Don’t let worry kill you - let the church help.

2. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

3. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Smith, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Smith.

4. Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing “Put Me in My Little Bed,” accompanied by the pastor.

5. Thursday, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

6. This being Easter Sunday, we ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

7. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

8. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early, and listen to our choir practice.

Dear Ann Landers: When “Shocked and Disillusioned in Los Angeles” wrote to you about her husband’s collection of pornography, you told her to see a therapist to get over her obsession. She is not the one with the problem. He is.

I grew up in a household filled with my father’s pornographic pictures, magazines and novelty “toys.” My father appeared to be a normal, intelligent man. His obsession with pornography, however, warped his attitude toward women. When you are having sex with an image, you don’t have to be concerned with what the image is feeling or what effect the act will have on the image’s life.

My father sexually abused my sister and tried to initiate a sexual relationship with me. My sister has low self-esteem, and I find it difficult to think of myself in positive terms. I am married now and have a daughter of my own. If I found out that my husband had a secret stash of pornography, I would make sure HE saw a therapist, and the pornography would be thrown out in the trash where it belongs. - One Who Knows in Minneapolis

Dear Minneapolis: Thanks for a good letter. I should have recommended joint counseling, but tossing out the pornography is not the solution. Some therapists have written to me and said pornography can be “helpful” for couples with sexual problems.

Dear Ann Landers: I took a girlfriend, her daughter and a friend to a bingo game. I paid for the cards, food and drinks. Total cost, about $90.

On the last game, my girlfriend hit a $500 bingo. I thought, “Terrific. Now, she’ll net $410, and I’ll get my $90 back.” Wrong. She said she won it and it was hers.

My female friends said all the money she won belonged to her. My men friends said she should have given me $90 since I paid for everything. What do you say? - Jimmy in Texas

Dear Jimmy: I’m with the guys. In the future, when you take guests to play bingo, establish the ground rules in advance.