Ponderosa Kids Aren’t Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf

News Flash! Ponderosa Elementary sixth-graders have found The Big Bad Wolf innocent of “pigicide” after a mock trial staged by local attorneys. Seems the surviving Little Pig was wearing a single glove that matched one found at the scene of the gobbling. When confronted with this evidence, the porker protested, “I’m a big fan of Michael Jackson.” The pre-pubescent spectators hooted and hollered. “Is that so bad?” hammed the prosecution witness. “Yes!” responded the Peanut Gallery. I guess kids nowadays know a real wolf when they see one.

Do you feel lucky?

So, there you are, waiting your turn in a hair salon when you notice a frantic stylist spraying the floor. You’re next. But you hesitate when the beautician tells you that the young customer before you had lice (although she claims she killed them all). Whattaya do? A cowed colleague went ahead with his haircut and then took a shower so hot he said it peeled his hide. … By the way, head lice is more common in barber shops and salons than you and I’d like to think.

CdA fire drill

A funny thing happened when Al Otte fired up his Texas Style Barbecue on 4th Street for the first time early Friday. The neighbors punched 911 when smoke came billowing out. Al stopped firefighters from dousing 100 pounds of meat on his open-pit barbecue by explaining what had happened. Then, he invited the boys to dine with him that night for their troubles. Attaboy, Al, and good luck on your new business. … A week ago, business writer Eric Torbenson waxed creative about a tourism campaign involving Idaho potatoes by writing: “Trouble is, up in these parts, there isn’t a potato peeling plant within 120 miles. The closest one’s in, sheesh, Washington.” That prompted a caller to ask, “Where’s Sheesh, Washington?” Sheesh.

Conscientious detonator

Don Hesselgesser of Coeur d’Alene has a long-shot scheme to save the Silver Valley smelter stacks from demolition May 26. He’s buying $2 tickets to Kellogg’s “Blowing Our Stacks” raffle. If he wins, he’ll refuse to push the button that signals demolition experts to detonate the four stacks. Says Don: “That’d really shake them up.” … In view of recent Spokane bombings, NICE transit officials should rethink running ads for the raffle on their buses, though. You know, the ones that ask, “Want to blow up something really big?”

Huckleberries

Again last year, Wallace had the distinction of paying the highest cumulative property tax of Idaho’s 43 county seats: $28.13 per $1,000 of assessed value. By contrast, the rate is $17.95 in St. Maries, $16.77 in Coeur d’Alene, $15.38 in Bonners Ferry, and $13.65 in Sandpoint. Congratulations aren’t in order. … Another sign that the end is near: Last year, tiny Rathdrum got its first stoplight. Now, there are two at tinier Parkline, formerly Chatcolet. The Idaho Transportation Department is replacing a bridge over nearby Benewah Creek and has erected the stoplights at a temporary one-lane bridge. … The End Is Near II: Times are a changin’ when you see a Grateful Dead sticker decorating the back window of a late-model Jeep sport utility wagon with Kootenai plates. Isn’t that sort of thing reserved for the acid-dropping drivers of psychedelic Volkswagen mini-buses? … Most vanity plates aren’t as clever as the ones spotted at a CdA health club: “INSTAG8R” and “1BSYLDY.”

Parting shot

Shaun Muzzy of Muzzy Oil was regaling Fernan School children with tales about the oil industry when one tyke began chanting: “Fuzzy Muzzy was a bear; Fuzzy Muzzy had no hair.” The local distributor groaned and said he hadn’t heard that since he was a kid. Still, Shaun probably preferred the childhood ditty to pointed questions about soaring gas prices.

, DataTimes MEMO: Gotta Huckleberry? Call the Huckleberry Hound Hotline: (800) 344-6718 or (208) 765-7125; Fax: (208) 765-7149.

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = D.F. Oliveria The Spokesman-Review