Time For A Wake-Up Call

Dear Ann Landers: This may seem petty, but I am married to one of the most insensitive slobs around. The thing that bugs me more than anything is his lack of appreciation.

I have a job that pays well, and I pick up the bills for more than half of the household expenses. I’m a good cook and try hard to prepare meals my husband will enjoy.

I keep hoping that I will live long enough to hear him say, “Honey, this dinner is delicious.” The big oaf loads up his plate and takes second helpings but never says a word.

I am getting to the point that I just want to open a can of beans and forget it. Any advice? - Wife of Mr. Lockjaw in N.J.

Dear Mrs. Lockjaw: Tonight when your husband comes home for dinner, serve him a can of beans, and place this column next to it. That should do it.

Dear Ann Landers: I am writing to help others heal from the effects of being touched inappropriately. I know a lot about the subject - firsthand.

When I was about 11 years of age, a relative who was five years older asked me if he could scratch my back. I had younger brothers who would often play “What letter am I writing on your back?” so I never thought twice about the offer. After some playful laughter, he touched more than my back.

I was so ashamed, I never told anyone, but I never could put it out of my mind. A year ago, I wrote that relative telling him what I remembered and confronting him about the repercussions I have suffered since. He phoned me several nights later and insisted that I had been the aggressor. What’s worse, when I told my family, they believed his denial and insisted I had made up the story because my blood sugar was off. (I am a diabetic.)

I am now in graduate school and a candidate for a medical fellowship. I hope to help women who have been sexually abused. I am now getting counseling and beginning to heal because I finally realize I did nothing wrong.

My message to your readers is this: Don’t keep it locked inside, as I did. Confront it, and get it out in the open, even if nobody believes you. Eventually the truth will triumph and set you free. - Philadelphia

Dear Philadelphia: I want to thank you for urging readers who have been sexually abused to speak out. It doesn’t matter how long ago the abuse took place. It is extremely important that you tell someone. And don’t be secretive about it. The perpetrator deserves to be exposed, and telling the story will help you heal.

Dear Ann Landers: I read with interest your column about the woman who was having a face lift done and wondered if she could have a hysterectomy and some varicose veins removed at the same time. The doctor you consulted said it was indeed possible and that he, in fact, had done it.

I am a retired dentist. Many years ago, I had a patient who needed several wisdom teeth extracted. He asked, “As long as I’m out, would it be all right if a surgeon did a circumcision at the same time?” Of course, the surgeon refused.

Please tell your readers, Ann, that for the best results, one should not try to do too many things at once. - Longtime Follower in Memphis

Dear Memphis: How right you are. People who try to do too many things at once invariably end up doing some things over. No time is saved, and the results are often unsatisfactory.