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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Working Moms Not Happy Campers

Loraine O'Connell Orlando Sentinel

Check this out:

In a study of “life satisfaction” conducted by a University of Florida doctoral student, the happiest male campers were married men with children.

However, the happiest women were - ready for this? - single and child-free. Coming in a close second: married, child-free women.

Meanwhile, a Roper survey for Harlequin Enterprises, purveyors extraordinaire of romance fiction, finds 46 percent of American women agreeing that “a good night’s sleep is better than sex.” Anybody see a correlation here?

While it’s best to view any study, poll or survey with skepticism, there’s a certain consistency in reports pertaining to the quality of men’s and women’s lives today: Not only do far more women than men crave sleep, but “time alone” has become the Holy Grail for legions of married, working women with kids. Clearly, the distribution of work in two-earner families with kids continues to be out of whack.

Jana Raup, author of the life satisfaction study, says her follow-up study will focus on a key factor in people’s life satisfaction: the quality of their relationships.

Although her recent survey didn’t ask about that, conversations she had with study participants highlighted its significance.

The most satisfied working moms “were the women who had an equal partner in raising the children and sustaining the home,” says Raup, director of programs for a mental health agency in Maryland.

But those contented married moms were a distinct minority.

Only single dads scored lower on the satisfaction scale.

Raup hastens to point out that her survey doesn’t reflect marital misery on the part of women with kids. It’s more a matter of a woman’s unmet expectations.

“Maybe she felt she was making the majority of decisions,” Raup says, “or carrying the weight of the family, being the primary giver of care to the children and having to have all the traditional housekeeping chores done as well.”

Raup’s follow-up study looking at the quality of relationships should reveal just why those married guys with kids are so happy.

Is it because they’re equal participants in family life? she wonders. Or is it because they have wives who hold jobs, take care of everybody else’s needs and serve dinner promptly at 6?

As we’ve heard for a decade now, the notion that women can “have it all” has turned out to be more wishful thinking than reality - unless the woman is wealthy enough to afford housekeepers and nannies. Or lucky enough to have a husband who lightens her load.

For the average woman with a husband, a job and a kid or two, the juggling act is exhausting.

Yet most research shows that our average woman is unwilling to give up the husband, the kids or the job. She still wants it all, despite the fact that she’s sleep-deprived and resents having to shoulder most of the infamous “second shift” - the household and child care responsibilities.

Of course, more men are pitching in on the homefront, whether it’s helping with the house cleaning, scheduling the kids’ doctor visits or leaving work to pick up an ailing Junior from day care.

All of which may account for the results of a study by the American Psychological Association. That study showed that gender has no effect on how working parents respond when jobs interfere with family life or vice versa.

Both men and women suffer psychologically and physically from the stress of balancing family needs and job demands. And both respond with varying degrees of depression, poor physical health or increased alcohol consumption.

As feminists have been saying for years, the work-family dynamic isn’t a “woman’s issue.” It’s an issue. Period.

Do we need a sea change in the way American business views family life? Sure. But that will happen only when there’s a sea change in the way men and women view family life.

Maybe when 46 percent of men prefer sleep to sex, the tide will turn.

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