Be Assured That He Can
Dear Ann Landers: I am 51 years old. My husband died last year. Several months ago I started dating “John.” He lost his wife last year.
Everything was going fine until we attended a party at John’s club. During the evening, I was talking with a group of women in the powder room when “Sally” asked if it bothered me to be dating a widower. I asked what she meant. She said, “Doesn’t it bother you to know that if John’s wife hadn’t died, he wouldn’t have given you a second look?”
Frankly, I had never thought about it, but since she brought it up, I think about it a lot. I know my feelings are much deeper than John’s. My marriage was not a happy one, but I kept my problems to myself. I have lovely children, and we are all doing well, although they miss their father terribly. They do understand my wanting to date and are happy that I am going out. What I’d like to know is how men feel when they lose a spouse they’ve loved for a long time. Can such a man ever love again?
John and I are not serious at this point, but I have high hopes.- Auburn, Calif.
Dear Auburn: You didn’t ask, but I must comment on that character in the powder room. She sounds positively toxic. Stay away from her.
As for husbands who have lost wives they truly loved: The answer is yes - they can love again. Perhaps not in the same way or with the same intensity, but the second marriage can be very successful. I wish you all the best.
Dear Ann Landers: This is for the person in Colorado who has a strong aversion to barking dogs. I suggest that he or she go to Iran.
On a visit with friends in that country, I was surprised by the absence of dogs or any other pets. The only dogs I saw were one or two starving creatures roaming the streets and gutters in search of food.
The father of my host family in Iran, usually a very kind person, kept a supply of rocks near his front door to throw at any dog that should dare approach. I was told that the Koran teaches that the dog is an unclean animal and no human should touch it. Another country where you don’t hear many barking dogs is China. It’s not because dogs are considered “special” but because they are eaten. - World Traveler from Portland
Dear World Traveler: Dogs are considered a delicacy in many Asian countries. I discovered that when I visited the People’s Republic of China several years ago. The thought of it made me shudder. Whenever I had a choice, I chose fish.
Dear Ann Landers: I loved the story of the 94-year-old spinster whose handwritten funeral instructions said, “There will be no male pallbearers. Since they wouldn’t take me out when I was alive, I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.”
I heard a similar story with a different punch line. It said, “Please don’t let them put ‘Miss’ on my tombstone. I haven’t missed as much as they think.” - Vicky in Fort Worth, Texas
Dear Vicky: Your punch line was a thigh-slapper. Thanks on behalf of all the people who laughed along with me.
xxxx