‘Arrival’ Is Gross Departure From Entertainment
In “The Arrival,” Charlie Sheen makes a startling discovery that, sadly, has nothing to do with the suspicion that he should have ended his flagging movie career ages ago.
As a nerdy radio astronomer who follows a high-pitched foreign radio signal south of the border, Sheen unearths a high-tech pod of aliens posing as - brace yourselves - Mexicans.
In perhaps the movie’s silliest scene, he, too, steps onto their cosmic makeover machine and - presto! - emerges looking eerily like Geraldo Rivera.
With scenes like these, “The Arrival” probably won’t be winning any PC awards. In fact, all the film’s sinister extraterrestrials are played by minorities. These so-called aliens have come to Earth and discreetly set up environmental atomizers in Third World countries.
Their goal is to turn the planet into a humid, marshy swampland - sort of like South Florida in August.
Borrowing gimmicks from “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” and “Phantasm,” “The Arrival” aims to steal the thunder from the upcoming, hotly anticipated UFO-invasion epic “Independence Day.”
But not since last year’s “Species” have we seen a movie so ludicrously conceived and poorly executed.
As the movie’s bland hero, Sheen plays a goateed geek with extraterrestrial fantasies. After being fired for pushing his theories, he treks to Mexico and flirts with a brawny lady geophysicist (Lindsay Crouse) before stumbling onto the aliens’ secret lab.
When they’re not in their Mexican disguises, the E.T.s look like insect-like creatures whose legs bend backward at the knee, enabling them to jump like grasshoppers.
The special effects appear to showcase the latest advancements in claymation - it’s Gumby, phone home.
But to see the aliens, you must wade through several muddled plot twists, such as Sheen’s brushes with deranged lawn men and his aw-shucks friendship with the kid next door (Tony T. Johnson).
Kudos to writer-director David Twohy, who wrote “The Fugitive” but also scripted “Terminal Velocity,” for crafting maybe the most atrocious sci-fi film yet. “Mystery Science Theater 3000,” are you listening?
xxxx “The Arrival” Locations: Lincoln Heights, North Division and Coeur d’Alene cinemas Credits: Directed by David Twohy; starring Charlie Sheen, Ron Silver, Lindsay Crouse, Teri Polo. Running time: 1:49 Rating: PG-13