Two Cases Of Bad Judgment

Dear Ann Landers: My sister-in-law, who lives in London, is visiting me. Yesterday, she asked a question I was unable to answer. Maybe you can help.

What kind of country, she asked, suspends a 6-year-old first-grader from school and forces him to miss an ice cream party because he kissed a little girl on the cheek? The child was accused of sexual harassment. Does a 6-year-old know what sexual harassment is? I certainly doubt it.

Immediately after that incident, there was a story about a baseball player for the Baltimore Orioles who spat in the face of the umpire who called him out. His “punishment” was put off until the start of next season. Obviously, he was a good player and the team needed him to win games.

My sister-in-law asked if this is “justice American-style.” I told her I didn’t know but I would ask you. - Saddle Brook, N.J.

Dear N.J.: Tell your sister-in-law that both incidents were, in my opinion, handled poorly.

That 6-year-old, Johnathan Prevette, should have been “spoken to” but not punished. Six-year-olds don’t know what sexual harassment is. I recently read that the superintendent of schools in Johnathan’s district is taking steps to revise the sexual harassment code to take age into account.

Roberto Alomar, the ballplayer for the Baltimore Orioles who spat in umpire John Hirschbeck’s face, should have been taken out of the game immediately. He was suspended for five games, but it appears he was able to select which five. I guess in some places, winning is everything.

Dear Ann Landers: I’m confused and hurt. My husband and I have been married for 25 years. Some years ago, a family moved close to us. The wife (I’ll call her “Judy”) did not work and began spending several hours a day “visiting” in my husband’s workshop.

Judy’s husband divorced her five years ago and my husband gave her a job in our small business. Since then, my husband has insisted on taking Judy practically everywhere we go - eating out, Sunday drives, to church and so on. Any trip concerning the business means she must go “so she can learn.” When Judy mentioned going shopping recently, my husband asked if she had enough money. He said, “You know, as a single mother, her salary doesn’t go very far.”

I realize the necessity of helping others, but I believe my husband has gone over the line. Whenever I try to tell him how I feel about this “friendship,” he gets upset. Even the slightest criticism of Judy makes him angry.

Am I being unfair, as he claims? I love my husband dearly and hate to think of ending my marriage, but he acts as if he has two wives. I feel threatened and have developed an active dislike for Judy. What’s worse, I don’t feel that I can trust my judgment any longer. Please help me sort this out. - Confused in Kentucky

Dear Kentucky: There’s nothing wrong with your judgment. You have every reason to resent your husband’s closeness to Judy.

Stop playing the role of “wounded wife.” Don’t nag, threaten or kick him out. Be sweet and adorable to Judy. She won’t know what to make of it. I predict that a complete change in tactics will throw them both for a loop and put you in the winner’s circle.

Confidential to The Big Q in Melville, N.Y.: Apparently, when you have more than two drinks, your mouth goes on active duty and your brain goes on furlough. Do yourself a favor and stay off the sauce totally.