Not New Or Worth Encouraging
Dear Miss Manners: I have noticed some very strange behavior in several nice restaurants - “servers” (no longer called waiters) getting down on their knees or squatting to take my order.
These servers are young, but still!
My friend asked one why, and he replied that he was tired. I asked another, and he replied that he didn’t like to exhibit physical dominance over customers.
It’s all rather startling. Is this a new custom in the making?
Gentle Reader: New? Miss Manners assures you that this is an Elizabethan custom.
Those who served the lord of the castle and his most honored guests did so from a kneeling position. They were called “servers” or “sewers.”
You have probably wandered into an Elizabethan restaurant, or possibly a time warp. Do the servers kiss your napkin, as well as taste your food, to make sure that it is not poisoned?
You might test Miss Manners’ theory by calling “Sewer!” to see if one responds, or by throwing your bones on the floor to see if this is the approved way of busing one’s plate.
No, wait. If this posture has to do with the new claim that people tip more to servers who hover below them, rather than above them, Miss Manners’ tests would probably not be a good idea.
Neither, in that case, would be increased tipping, which would only encourage this silliness.
Dear Miss Manners: I find an unfortunate number of cruise passengers who seem to think that while on board, they can forget the etiquette of polite conversation.
One should not ask personal questions, such as about occupations, exact addresses and age. Accepted and desirable conversations, in addition to the weather, would include ports to be visited and the selection of shore tours.
It is OK to observe that one has previously been on this cruise ship, but not how many times. Taboo is discussion of other cruise ships, because it always results in oneupmanship.
Please advise people not to reiterate the trials and tribulations experienced in reaching this and other cruise ships.
Gentle Reader: A young lady of Miss Manners’ acquaintance was asked “Where are you from?” so many times on her first cruise that she proposed saving her breath by wearing a sign reading, “I’m from Chicago; OK?”
Miss Manners sympathized, but one does, as you say, need neutral conversation openers. Those who wish to keep shipboard acquaintanceship at that level may then do so, while others may go on to develop passionate attachments in which the exchange of personal information may be staggering, and some of it may even be true.
Yet Miss Manners is not nearly so strict as you as to topics of conversation. Travel adventures seem to her exactly the desirable common point from which to launch conversation on trips.
Bragging and being boring are always rude, but she fails to understand why it would be immodest to say, “We love this ship; it’s our sixth time on board” or “We’re so happy to be here after having been marooned on a desert island without any books except a tipping guide, because we couldn’t agree beforehand on what to take.”
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The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate