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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Headlines From Doomsday

Tom Schaefer The Wichita Eagle

Picture the scene: It’s the end of the world as we know it and someone has to write The Story. Of course, that means someone else has to write the headline to go with it.

With various media trying to write it for their own readership, you can imagine what the results could be.

You can’t imagine? Well, consider these offerings from the Internet cyberspace author unknown:

USA Today: “We’re Dead.”

The Wall Street Journal: “Dow Jones Plummets as World Ends.”

Sports Illustrated: “Game Over.”

Discover magazine: “How Will the Extinction of All Life as We Know It Affect the Way We View the Cosmos?”

TV Guide: “Death and Damnation: Nielsen Ratings Soar!”

Ladies Home Journal: “Lose 10 lbs. by Judgment Day With Our New ‘Armageddon’ Diet!”

Readers Digest: “Bye.”