What Sort Of Excuse Did They Use?

Dear Miss Manners: When friends cancel coming for morning coffee, dinner or a child’s play date, is it the hostess’s responsibility to offer to reschedule at a later date?

This seems to happen often, with different people. Of course, in the case of dinner, most food preparation is done and money is already spent. Also, it’s usually not something that can be frozen for future use.

Gentle Reader: Not all cancellations are alike, as you know from all that spoiling food. Therefore, Miss Manners requires different responses, depending on the seriousness of the occasion and of the excuse.

1. Excuse: “I’m afraid we’d better not stop by tomorrow. Kayla’s got head lice, and we don’t want to expose Olivia.”

Response: “Oh, dear, the poor thing. I’m so sorry. What about one day next week?

Excuse: “Kayla doesn’t feel like playing today. She wants me to take her shopping instead.”

Response: “Oh. Well, have fun.”

2. Excuse: “I was so looking forward to having coffee with you this morning, but my boss has just dumped a lot of deadline stuff on me. Would it mess up your schedule if we got together later in the week, instead?”

Response: “Not at all. I have things to catch up on anyway. Thursday’s bad for me, but what about Friday?”

Excuse: “I can’t make it today; I have work to do.”

Response: “I see.”

3. Excuse: “I have to talk fast because I’m in the emergency room and other people are waiting to use the phone. No, no, it was just a small accident, I’m going to be fine, they say I’ll be walking again in a matter of months, but I’m devastated because they insist on keeping me here, which means that I’ll miss your dinner. Will you ever forgive me?”

Response: “Oh, my dear, how awful, don’t think twice about it. As soon as you feel up to it, we’ll have a dinner to celebrate your recovery.”

Excuse: “We can’t come to dinner, after all. Bret’s just too tired.”

Response: “Oh.”

Dear Miss Manners: Is the “wry grimace” acceptable in social situations?

I have lived in Euless, Texas, for 14 years and I have yet to respond to questions about where I live without hearing, “Oh, you live in Useless?”

Humorous responses have lost their charm, and I hesitate to make a comment on the listener’s acuity of hearing. Since silence leads to an awkward pause, I am considering the wry grimace, followed by a world-weary smile and the resumption of conversation on a different topic.

Am I being overly sensitive? Should I categorize trite humor with polite salutations - communication which lubricates the gears of social interaction, but without particular importance?

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners loves the Wry Grimace. Even after she found out it wasn’t a cocktail.

You would now be justified in turning the expression on her. But you can depend on her never to make a pun or any other joke about the name of any person or hometown, or anyone’s occupation or physical appearance. Automatic Response Jokes tend to clog the gears of social interaction rather than lubricate them.

xxxx

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate