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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

You Should Do The Right Thing

Ann Landers Creators Syndicate

Dear Ann Landers: I need an objective opinion about a request my mother made today. She asked me not to tell my brother when she or my father dies.

Two years ago, at my son’s second birthday party, my parents and my brother had a fight. It wasn’t the first time. My brother and his wife stormed out of the house, and they haven’t spoken since. Mom phoned a few days later to try to make amends, but my brother hung up on her.

Ann, I used to play peacemaker and go-between, but I gave up that role and told them they had to work things out themselves. Today, I told my mother I could not honor her request. I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t tell my brother when she or Dad passes on.

Am I on solid ground? My brother and my mom both read your column. Maybe they will see themselves and do something about it. - Hackensack, N.J.

Dear Hack: You sound like one of the more balanced members of the family. When the time comes, make the call. If your brother hangs up on you, so what? You will have done the right thing.

Dear Ann Landers: Two years ago, on the night before my wedding, two members of the wedding party (brothers) told me they were low on funds and would have to wait a while to send their wedding gifts. I said it was perfectly OK and not to give it a thought.

Since one year is the time allowed to send wedding gifts (according to Letitia Baldridge), they are long past due. Both brothers have been employed steadily and seem to be living well. Two months ago, one of the brothers asked for my new mailing address so he could send me a card. Three weeks later, he apologized and said he was mailing the card that day. It never came.

I’m still good friends with both brothers, but I feel insulted that two members of my wedding party did not even send a card, let alone a gift. Should I tell them how I feel or just let it pass? The brother who said he was sending a card may be getting married this year. Should I be the better person and send a gift? - G.G., Cortlandt Manor, N.Y.

Dear G.G.: For the umpteenth time - a gift is something a person chooses to give, it is not mandatory.

So the fellow said he was sending a card, and the card never came. Big deal. Poor manners? Yes, but no reason to throw a major hissie fit.

Send a wedding gift if you like. Rest assured he will remember that he didn’t send you one, and you will have made your point.

Dear Ann Landers: I am writing in reply to “Quebec Quandary,” the teacher who felt students who used computers had an unfair advantage.

I am 12 years old. In my school, the language and spelling teachers ban computers. They say we are in school to learn grammar and spelling and we will not learn it if the computer does the work for us.

This letter may not be perfect, but at least I can say I wrote it and checked it myself and I didn’t depend on a computer. - Learning in Pa.

Dear Learning: A big red apple for those teachers who don’t let their grade school students use computers for every assignment. They are right when they say you will not learn proper grammar and spelling if the computer does it for you. I hope you students appreciate those “tough” teachers. If you don’t now, you will later.