There Are Stupid Questions

You know it’s a joke because it has the word “Parody!” stamped across the top right corner. But in all other respects, “Life for Real Dummies” (HarperPerennial, 85 pages, $7.95) seems like the real thing.

The real thing, of course, being that line of “… For Dummies” books published by IDG Books Worldwide.

In the case of this “Parody!” authors Richard Sandomir and Rick Wolff answer all those difficult questions about life that only true dummies are apt to ask.

Such as, “When did sex begin?”

“There is some scientific evidence that sex started in central Europe,” Sandomir and Wolff wrote. “Most of the earliest records of these sexually active people indicated that they spoke with a thick Germanic accent, tended to be short (under 5 feet tall), and compulsively acted as if they knew everything about sex. (Some of their descendants are still around today in the form of popular guests on talk shows.)”

Male-bashing, Chapter 377: The Do(o)little Report is a bimonthly newsletter dedicated to finding humor in the activities of men.

In that spirit, the September-October issue offered a list of “Questions you’ll rarely hear a man ask.” They include:

Did that rude noise offend you?

What is your opinion, honey?

What should I get my relative as a birthday gift?

Where’s my favorite recipe?

Would you like to drive?

Does this toilet bowl look clean enough?

Should I add a crease to your jeans when I fold them?

What time is the Sensitive New Age Guy support group meeting?

Do you know where I put my grocery coupon file?

Is that new Matthew McConaughey movie playing at our theater yet?

Finally, here is one you’ll rarely, if ever, hear a woman ask: Honey, could you turn up the sound? I wanna hear the replay of that touchdown.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Color photo