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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Quarterback No Longer ‘Skill Position’ In Nfl

Norman Chad Syndicated Columnist

Here’s a partial list of quarterbacks who threw at least one incompleted pass in sanctioned NFL action last Sunday: Tony Banks, Dave Brown, Kerry Collins, Ty Detmer, Trent Dilfer, Craig Erickson, Jim Everett, Glenn Foley, Kent Graham, Bobby Hebert, Dave Krieg, Jamie Martin, Frank Reich, Vinny Testaverde and Mike Tomczak.

Graded against a ‘Jeff George curve,’ at the moment Testaverde and Tomczak pretty much would be the class of that group.

(Note: George, who had the day off, played FoosBall at an Athens, Ga., arcade until he was thrown out for arguing with an 8-year-old boy over a quarter found on the floor.)

Where have you gone, Joe Pisarcik?

There’s a leadership void in America, and it starts in the huddle.

These guys make more bad passes than Bob Packwood at last call.

Bad quarterbacking, like chain bagelrys, has been a boom business in recent years. They find quarterbacks these days like they find ESPN anchors: Go onto campus, visit a frat house and, if you can tap a keg, you’re hired!

There was a time quarterback was considered a ‘skill position’ - until someone reviewed game film of a Bubby Brister start. It is part of football folklore that Rusty Hilger once threw a pass that, like a crashing meteor, was recovered piece by piece on several continents.

Last year the ‘Isuzu Quarterback Challenge’ on NBC was called off for the safety of spectators.

Even old reliables are breaking down: Dan Marino’s hurt, Steve Young’s hobbled, Jim Kelly’s humbled. Warren Moon, who soon turns 40, already has lost to the Giants and the Buccaneers, a retirement-home hint if there ever was one.

It is believed that Tennessee’s Peyton Manning could reverse the bad-QB trend next year, unless, of course, he’s drafted by the Jets.

And remember this when you sit down to ‘Monday Night Football’ this week - Billy Joe Hobert’s just one hard hit away from prime time.

(Sam Wyche Update: Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach; those who can’t teach, coach; those who can’t coach, join NBC as run-of-the-mill game analysts.)

(Idle Thought: I’ll bet you those yardage marker guys have absolutely no social life.)

As usual, the following picks against the point spread are for recreational purposes only:

Bills (-7-1/2) at Jets: Tennessee Williams once wrote, “We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it.” Which, naturally, calls to mind Giants Stadium during any Jets game. Pick: Bills.

Giants at Redskins (-7): There will come a day - perhaps as soon as next month - when Dave Brown will be sitting on a bar stool in a Plainfield, N.J., tavern and telling the bloke to his right how he once was the quarterback of the New York football Giants. And, you know, I don’t think the fella will believe him. Pick: Redskins.

Falcons at Cowboys (-15): Gearing up for Oct. 27 showdown, Jerry Jones accused Dolphins coach Jimmy Johnson of improperly obtaining FBI personnel files on more than 400 ex-Cowboys… . In honor of departed QB Jeff George, Falcons’ run-and-shoot offense renamed ‘run-and-shout.’ Pick: Cowboys.

Ravens at Broncos (-10): According to my information - and my information is never wrong, except for the time my advance scouts told me my ex-wife was ‘in for a dime, in for a dollar’ when it came to marriage - Ravens QB Vinny Testaverde’s passes don’t adjust well to mountain time. Pick: Broncos.

Saints at Panthers (-7-1/2): The running back is Anthony Johnson. The tight end is Wesley Walls. The center is Curtis Whitley. The safety is Chad Cota. The record is 4-2. And the fact of the matter is, ladies and gentlemen… . Carolina is Super Bowl-bound! Pick: Panthers.

Dolphins at Eagles (-3): Actual Stat: Since 1975, Dolphins and Eagles have played each other precisely every third year, and Dolphins are 6-1 in those games. Stats don’t lie, they just burn a hole in my wallet. Pick: Dolphins.

Buccaneers at Cardinals (-3-1/2): On Sunday, Buccaneers QB Trent Dilfer threw 35 passes without an interception. On Monday, ‘Unsolved Mysteries’ sent a production crew to Tampa Bay. Pick: Buccaneers.

Patriots at Colts (-4): Patriots coach Bill Parcells does not allow his assistants to talk to the press. Which is a real shame, considering that Ray Perkins and Al Groh are real cutups. Pick: Colts.

Bengals at 49ers (-14-1/2): After Packers loss, 49ers coach George Seifert was spotted outside Bill Walsh’s office crooning, ‘Blame It On The Bossa Nova.’ Pick: Bengals.

Steelers (-4) at Oilers: League office pulled Bernie Kukar off of game, replaced him with Mills Lane. Pick: Steelers.

Jaguars (-1) at Rams: Rams coach Rich Brooks was taken aback Tuesday when he looked in the mirror - and saw Rich Kotite. Pick: Jaguars.

Raiders at Chargers (-3-1/2): Charger Darren Bennett’s punts now officially classified as ‘paranormal activity.’ Pick: Chargers.

Last week: 7-6.*

Season record: 51-43.

(*-The Man doesn’t want to set the world on fire, he just wants to keep his butt warm.)