Range Of Notions Is Incredible
Dear Readers: Yesterday I promised additional responses to the man who wrote to say women owe their husbands sex even when they don’t feel like it. “Sex,” he said, without a hint of embarrassment, “should be part of the marital obligation.”
The response has been astonishing. Surprisingly, letters from male readers outnumber those from women. Here’s more:
Dear Ann Landers: For 50 years, I was married to a man who considered sex a chore. He was always too tired, had too much on his mind or had to get up very early the next morning. Finally, he quit making excuses and just said, “I don’t feel like it.” Many nights, I cried myself to sleep while he lay there snoring. When he passed away a year ago, I felt liberated. I’m in my 70s now and still have the desire, but I’ve heard men in their 70s can’t perform, so it appears I have missed it all. - Deprived and Bitter in Lorain, Ohio
Dear D and B: You heard wrong. Meanwhile, don’t sell yourself short. If the desire is still there, your body is telling you you’re not too old for romance. If an appropriate opportunity presents itself, go for it.
From Bon Air, Va.: What’s the matter, Ann? A bad hair day? I never have known you to be so intolerant. Why didn’t you suggest counseling for the wife? After all, his sexual desires are more normal than her frigidity. She needs to get with the program or risk losing him.
Anchorage, Alaska: When a husband wants sex, he is expected to bring home flowers and get her in the mood, like some guy from a Danielle Steele novel. When a wife wants sex, she doesn’t have to do any of that stuff. I’d like to tell all women that it is more important to attend to a husband’s basic instinctive needs than to keep the house clean.
Long Island, N.Y.: I just read the letter from that moron who thinks his wife owes him sex because he mows the lawn. I was a wife who didn’t want sex, and my husband did his best to make me out to be a “rotten wife.” Meanwhile, he wouldn’t take a bath or shower for weeks and wore the same underwear until I would grab it and put it in the wash. Thanks for a chance to unload my anger.
Albuquerque, N.M.: The day a couple stops being sweethearts is the day love dies, whether they are 20 or 80. Sexual frustration is not about sex. It is about a marriage that has gone bad.
Plattsburgh, N.Y.: The man who wrote to say sex between a husband and wife should be viewed as part of a marriage maintenance program was right on. He suggested that a woman who lacks the same sex drive as her man should submit to routine conjugal relations just as if she were performing a daily or weekly obligation such as going to work, grocery shopping or washing the car. I agree.
My husband is gentle, caring and considerate. He likes to have romantic sex regularly. I don’t. Because I love him dearly and know the temptations that are out there, I accommodate him. I’m sure there are millions of women who do the same. - CBL in New York
Dear N.Y.: I heard from several men who are married to women who view sex as “an obligation” like doing the laundry, grocery shopping or washing the car. Some of the men said they got so little out of it, it would be OK with them if their wives washed the car instead.
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