Cheap Seats

No room for Play Slow Flo

A round of golf can take all morning. Then again, it can take 9 minutes and 28 seconds.

That’s how long it took for 80 golfers who spread out around Tatnuck Country Club in Worcester, Mass., to play 18 holes and claim a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records. The previous record of 9:39 was set in 1992 by a 35-member team in Point Micu, Calif. To get the record, golfers must play 18 holes on a course at least 6,000 yards long.

Ah, but this group fudged a little.

“It took us a little more than an hour and a half. We had some bad shots and we’d have to start over. It was hard to put two good nines together,” said Keith Early, a Tatnuck assistant pro. “To put two good nines back-to-back, that was tough.”

So what’s the record without mulligans?

Dodging his error

Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole took time out from his tough anti-drug speech Wednesday in Los Angeles to recognize the no-hitter tossed Tuesday night by Dodgers pitcher Hideo Nomo.

But, in what the campaign insisted was just a joke, Dole mentioned that Nomo pitched the no-hitter for the Brooklyn Dodgers.

“I’m going to be like Nomo. I’m going to pitch a no-hitter from now until Nov. 5. The Brooklyn Dodgers had a no-hitter last night. I’m going to follow what Nomo did and we’re going to wipe them out between now and Nov. 5,” Dole said.

The Dodgers moved from Brooklyn to Los Angeles in 1958, a few years before Dole won his first election to Congress.

Dole spokesman Nelson Warfield said the candidate was simply trying to “add some mirth to the mix” before his speech.

“I think he was just using the well-known Dole wit,” Warfield said.

Warfield also insisted the Republican presidential candidate is really Ike Eisenhower.

Seven years of college down the drain

We couldn’t resist exhuming Bluto’s memorable line from “National Lampoon’s Animal House” when we heard that Boise State had to declare wide receiver Greg Thomas ineligible. It seems he first enrolled in college in 1990, which would have made 1994 his senior year.

Deion takes another hit

The two-way ways of Deion Sanders don’t impress Chuck Bednarik, the tough-as-nails former Eagle and last NFL player to go full-time on both offense and defense.

“When I played, there was contact on every play,” the Hall of Fame center-linebacker said. “Either I hit someone or they hit me. It was a physical game. This guy Deion is a joke.

“He runs around all game scared stiff, ducking, trying not to get hit and they’re calling him a great football player. This guy couldn’t tackle my wife, Emma.”

The last word …

“The latest poll shows Dole trailing by 21 points. Down 21 points! You know what the New York Jets call that? Halftime!” - Jay Leno

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo