Green Bay Has A Good Ol’ City, A Better Team

If Dallas is America’s Team, Green Bay is Our Town. The Packers are 3-0 - beating opponents by an average score of 38-9 - and have become more popular than Miss Kansas at a Shriners convention. Go Pack! For it is intellectually, emotionally and constitutionally impossible to root against the Packers, unless you’re Bob Lilly.

Paris? Hah! New York? Tcch! Green Bay? Yes!

It is the most wonderful place in America, other than Ben & Jerry’s.

The Packers appeal to the Norman Rockwell inside all of us. (Note: This would not include anyone currently watching “Natural Born Killers” on Showtime.) This is a team owned by the people, in a town so small the Fotomat is inside an ATM. Bart Starr greets everyone at the airport; well, actually, it’s not an airport, it’s a bus stop. Green Bay has three car dealerships, two of which sell only Ford Falcons. Nobody in Green Bay has Caller ID, largely because nobody has a telephone.

Aunt Bee lives in Green Bay.

Dallas has oil barons, Green Bay has gas stations. San Francisco has Robert Mondavi by the glass, Green Bay has Old Milwaukee in a can.

In truth, Green Bay is more diverse than many metropolitan areas. It has ham radio and cable TV. It has great weather, particularly indoors. It has a terrific night life. (ChiChi’s is open until 10 p.m., 11 on weekends.) It has bowling and bratwurst.

You can have Monte Carlo, I’ll take the Oneida Casino and Bingo Hall.

Most importantly - at least in terms of this column, which is all that matters at the moment - Green Bay has football’s best team and best stadium.

Lambeau Field is to football as Hershey Park is to chocolate.

And that Lambeau Leap thing is about as cool as it gets, although I would never jump into a crowd of strangers, many of whom appear to be waiting in line to get on “Hard Copy.” (Frankly, I’m a little wary of the cheeseheads, although, truth be known, if I had worn a Swiss cheese skullcap myself, The Man might still be married today.)

Anyway, the Packers are favored at Minnesota Sunday. The 3-0 Vikings? Pfft! Warren Moon’s so old, he canvassed for Bob Dole’s first campaign. I’ll take my Packers and give the six points.

Society note: NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue’s daughter married Sen. Jay Rockefeller’s son this summer. Rather than RSVP to the wedding invitation, those attending had to purchase Personal Seat Licenses.

Judicial note: O.J. Simpson has bemoaned privately that if there’s no instant replay in the NFL, how come he has to go on trial again? As usual, all picks against the point spread are for recreational purposes only:

Cowboys (-2) at Bills: Did Barry Switzer quit, vacate or die? Every time I turned on the TV this week, some insidious infosider was listing Switzer successors. GET OFF BARRY’S BACK, YOU GEEKS… . In another move contrary to NFL policy, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones announced he will lower the crossbar 6 inches at Texas Stadium. Pick: Cowboys.

Giants at Jets (-2-1/2): Dave Brown-Neil O’Donnell duel on field could prompt Jack Daniels-Johnnie Walker diet in stands… . Where are Allie Sherman and Weeb Eubanks when you need them? … Game likely to finish in a scoreless tie, which means both teams could be headed for unprecedented, identical 0-15-1 records. Pick: Giants.

49ers (-9) at Panthers: Carolina LB Kevin Greene confided to friends he wants to be first in NFL to do Macarena sack dance. … In icy confrontation Tuesday, 49ers head coach George Seifert told 49ers Crowned Head Bill Walsh “for the last time, stop parking in my space”. … Carolina is Super Bowl-bound! Pick: Panthers.

Chargers at Raiders (-3): Most restrooms were not functional at renovated Oakland Coliseum last week; that’s okay - most Raiders fans usually use the parking lot. … If you look out your window right now, you might see Jerry Ball still running. Pick: Chargers.

Jaguars at Patriots (-8): The prodigal tough guy, Tom Coughlin, returns home to meet his martial-law mentor, Bill Parcells. If these two guys got into a food fight, I’d root for the food. Pick: Patriots.

Broncos at Chiefs (-5-1/2): You’ve got a better chance of seeing Al Bundy at a Fellini film than of seeing Marty Schottenheimer beat John Elway. Pick: Broncos.

Redskins at Rams (-2): Call me a rank sentimentalist, but The Man thinks Mark Rypien should be the starting quarterback for both of these teams. Pick: Rams.

Eagles at Falcons (-2-1/2): Low Falcons attendance in home opener (42,688) blamed on most Atlantans staying home to avoid Olympic traffic. Pick: Falcons.

Dolphins at Colts (-3): Miami QB Dan Marino passes so infrequently these days, he now moonlights on field as venture capitalist. Pick: Dolphins.

Bears at Lions (-5): Ex-Bears K Carlos Huerta spotted at Northbrook, Ill., Payless ShoeSource Thursday with Lin Elliott. Pick: Bears.

Seahawks (-2) at Buccaneers: NBC considered shifting this game to CNBC, but Charles Grodin put his foot down. Pick: Buccaneers.

Cardinals at Saints (-7-1/2): This game is the football equivalent of gum surgery. Pick: Saints.

Last week: 7-6. Season record: 25-18.

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Norman Chad Syndicated Columnist