Cheap Seats Cinderwho? On Page Two Of Usc’s 1996-97

University Bookstores catalog, it reads: “On Jan. 1, 1996, the USC Trojan football team defeated Michigan State in the annual Rose Bowl game.”

Must have been written by a USC history major.

We blame it on that stupid moose running mate

It’s been three weeks since the “Ken Griffey Jr. For President” campaign headquarters closed its doors to allow the candidate an undistracted focus on what’s left of the pennant race. If the Mariners had slipped in the polls, would Junior throw his hat back into the political ring?

“I can be like Ross Perot and drop out, then come back,” Griffey said.

Don’t bet on it, though.

“Doing the commercials was fun and the stuff they came up with was funny,” he said. “The part I didn’t like was the overall seriousness reporters and the media took. The media wanted to find out everything about me and how I feel on certain personal things. The only people who have to know about it are my wife and I.”

The current issue of George magazine portrays Griffey as extremely dissatisfied with the ad campaign, even going on an expletive-filled tirade during a photo shoot in Boston this year. Griffey acknowledged the incident, saying “It had been a long day.”

Although the general election isn’t until Nov. 21, Griffey already has decided who gets his vote.

“I’m voting for me as a write-in,” he said. “I want one vote.”

Oh, good - seniors trash talk

During a masters doubles match in the U.S. Open, Billie Jean King, 52, asked opponent Sharon Walsh how old she was. When Walsh indicated she was 44, King replied, “When I was 44, I could still play.”

Whine on, for Gator U.

University of Florida football coach Steve Spurrier, upset because the student advisory committee chose to suspend freshman Keith Kelsey for allegedly taking a chair from the dorm lobby and putting it in his room, protested the decision by leaving the field at the end of the Gators’ 62-14 victory over Georgia Tech instead of remaining to sing the alma mater. “We just weren’t in an alma mater singing mood,” he sniffed.

Pie in the face

Former Red Sox infielder Rico Petrocelli has been fired by one of the team’s TV affiliates for throwing a cream pie in the face of a talk show host.

Making light of WABU commentator Chuck Adler’s criticism of Red Sox manager Kevin Kennedy, Petrocelli said he had something for Adler that Kennedy might like to deliver himself. Then Petrocelli, who did the station’s pregame and postgame shows while also serving as the hitting coach for Boston’s Triple-A affiliate in Pawtucket, hit Adler with the pie.

Adler laughed at the time but grew angry when the cameras were off. Petrocelli tried to make amends, but the next day he was fired.

Like he could be trusted before, when he was Kevin Kennedy’s stooge.

The last word …

“To commemorate the NFL season, the hookers in Times Square are offering the New York Jets Defense Special.’ Here’s how it goes: for four quarters, they’ll let you score as many times as you want.”

- David Letterman

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo