Better Just Write This One Off

Dear Ann Landers: Several months ago, I became reacquainted with a man I hadn’t seen in 35 years. I was delighted when I learned he had moved back to town. We were never sweethearts, just good friends. “Hal” is a retired educator, 68 years old, well-traveled, extremely charming, cultured and intelligent. I enjoyed visiting and corresponding with him.

Then, I introduced Hal to my only son, who is 28. I was shocked and dismayed when I discovered that Hal is gay. The discovery was made when he wrote several intimate letters to my son. When my son, who is totally straight, did not respond, Hal’s attitude toward me became cold and distant. I believe he is now uncomfortable with me because he revealed himself.

I feel hurt and angry and don’t know how to deal with this. Any suggestions? - Sad in Sonora, Calif.

Dear Sonora: Accept the fact that your friendship with Hal has been derailed permanently. He will never feel comfortable with you again because you know too much about him.

Hal showed extremely poor judgment when he tried to get chummy with your son. I’m surprised that didn’t sour you on him completely. Most women would not care to have any kind of relationship with a man who had his eyes on her son, or her daughter, for that matter.

Dear Ann Landers: Can you stand another letter on obesity? When I read the letter from “Fat and Very Happy,” I had to grab my aching back.

I am a cardiac surgical nurse who is seriously considering a career change. Why? Because the overwhelming majority of cardiac bypass patients are markedly obese. My back is totally shot after years of tugging, pulling up and lifting onto chairs and into beds people who are two or three times my body weight.

Many of my patients cheerfully and almost proudly admit to poor dietary habits, smoking and avoidance of exercise. If your correspondent has high blood pressure in her 50s, imagine what other problems she will have later. The human body is an incredible mechanism that will compensate until it can no longer do so. By the time symptoms show up, it is too late. The damage is done.

The rare skinny patient needs minimal help from the nurses. The heavy ones don’t move because it hurts, and they expect the nurse to do full body lifts. “Isn’t that your job?” they ask.

If you suspect that your weight stems from a metabolic disorder, it can be easily diagnosed. These cases are rare. Most overweight people have only two problems - an overindulgence in food and an aversion to exercise.

Thank you for reading this, Ann. Now that I have it off my chest, my back feels better. - Achy Breaky Back in Florida

Dear Achy Breaky: Scientists are now discovering that overweight people may have another problem that has a great deal more to do with their size than the ones you mentioned. It is their genetic makeup.

It is possible, with strict dieting and exercise, to overcome the hereditary tendency, but fat does indeed run in families. Just look around, and you will see that this is true.

Gem of the Day: People come to Washington believing it is the center of power. I know I did. It was only much later that I learned Washington is a steering wheel that is not connected to the engine. - Richard Goodwin