You Are Paying For Cheating Heart
Dear Ann Landers: I need help, and since my mother died over a year ago, I have no one to turn to but you.
I am 52 years old and married my childhood sweetheart when I was 23. “Gary” and I had a great marriage for five years, and then he began to have terrible headaches and lost interest in everything. He was diagnosed with migraines that didn’t respond to any kind of treatment.
About nine years ago, I started to see another man. “Tom” was also married, and we seemed to fill in the empty places in one another’s lives. Neither of us wanted to give up our marriages. Two years ago, Gary found out about us and informed Tom’s wife, but nothing changed. Tom and I continued to see each other. Gary passed away last March from cancer.
Tom spends a lot more time with me than he does with his wife, and we have talked a lot about spending the rest of our lives together. I’m talking about marriage. But Tom, who is 56, always seems to need a little more time to get his affairs arranged so his wife can’t take everything he has worked for all his life.
I’ve decided Tom is stalling and doesn’t have the nerve to leave his wife. Nevertheless, I don’t want to give him up. I know I wouldn’t do well at all on my own, and I just can’t bring myself to break up with him. It’s not like other men don’t want me. I know one who would marry me in a minute, but I just can’t give up Tom. Am I crazy or just plain dumb? - West Jordan, Utah
Dear Utah: You made a serious mistake when you started cheating on your husband, with a married man no less. Now you are paying for it.
Accept the fact that Tom is not interested in marrying you. You must find the strength to stop seeing this duplicitous married man and look for a more promising candidate. Good luck.
Dear Ann Landers: This letter is about “Outraged in South Dakota,” who recounted the tragic consequences of a high-speed police pursuit in which a Nebraska woman was killed. You told her, “We need laws to make this madness illegal.”
We already have laws that are supposed to prevent such madness. First, there’s a law against stealing a car. Second, there’s a law against failing to stop for a police officer.
We expect police officers to pursue and catch criminals. That’s part of their job. Often, an officer in pursuit of a fleeing felon has no idea whether the object of the chase is a teen-ager out joy-riding, a mental patient or a prison escapee who has committed a homicide and has a hostage in tow.
Law enforcement authorities should review and update their procedures and take advantage of the latest technology to reduce the risks that high-speed pursuits pose to police officers, suspects and innocent bystanders alike. At the same time, we must face the fact that the innocent victim who died in Nebraska was not killed by the police. She was murdered by two young criminals who had already committed the serious offenses of car theft, flight from a peace officer and reckless driving. If responsibility lies anywhere, it is upon those two young men. - A Lawyer in Ventura, Calif.
Dear Ventura: Your comments make sense, but my heart sinks every time I read about police officers and bystanders getting killed in high-speed chases. I wish there were a better way. Maybe one day there will be.