Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News

At least he didn’t open the trial with any transparent grandstanding

Timothy McVeigh’s attorney, Stephen Jones, opened the trial by solemnly intoning the names of all 168 dead, which proves what? That he can make relatives cry at will?

Those in a position to see are not in a position to tell

Later, Jones emphasized the point that nobody actually saw McVeigh detonate the bomb. Of course, when you kill 168 people, you tend to reduce the pool of eyewitnesses.

A little historical perspective on the Seahawks stadium issue

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe it was the Founding Fathers who said the purpose of government is to defend its citizens, protect its borders and “help billionaires to erect massive coliseums for the playing of Foote Balle.”

Maybe some senators can see the positive side of nerve gas

A Senate majority voted 74-26 to ban the inhuman scourge of chemical weapons. My only question is: 26 senators didn’t?

For an extra $20, Wavy Gravy will personally throw up on you

A wealthy businessman wants to turn the Woodstock site into a theme park. For a small fee, the whole family can sit half-naked in a mud-pit listening to Arlo Guthrie songs from a mile away.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 3 Photos

MEMO: Bottom Lines is Jim Kershner’s look at issues in the news. The views are the writer’s.