Find Better Guests - Or Worse Stuff
The well-appointed house is stocked with things that are much too good for anyone in it.
Miss Manners isn’t making this snobbish judgment. The people who live there are. The same people who bought all that stuff in the first place. The same people who are responsible, through marriage, birth or invitation, for the presence of all those other unworthy people.
Everything they own is, in their opinion, too good for their children to go anywhere near, too good for regular family use, and much too much trouble to take out for company.
The concept of “best” and “every day” are of long standing, and the distinction was made even in the humblest households with the idea of providing a sense of occasion now and then. The difference between then and now is that such occasions actually did occur. The best things were taken out for guests, but also for the family to use - if not to lend dignity to family dinner every night, then at least on Sundays and holidays - even if no one else was there.
In our times, Miss Manners has observed a downgrading of the worth of the people involved, and a corresponding upgrading of respect for the worth of things. These unpleasant judgments now cover everyone ever likely to cross the threshold and everything in the house that can possibly be put away or placed off limits.
Once it was only the dog who was required to keep his paws off the sofa. Now the guests are being told to keep their shoes off the rug.
It started with the china and the silver, which were so obviously too good for the family that they had to be supplemented by duplicate sets of second-string items - also called “nice,” but less expensive and fragile - made of earthenware and stainless steel.
But in many households, those, too, are now considered to be too good for any entertaining that is done. Surely paper and plastic are good enough for the kind of people who come for parties, holidays, meetings or weekends. The table linens also went rapidly to paper, obliterating the distinction between the good damask for company and the family’s plain cloth napkins.
Rugs and upholstery soon followed. A vogue for white rugs overcame the illogic of using them to furnish houses in which walking took place. To this day, Miss Manners receives bitter letters from rug owners who have no qualms about exposing their priorities when they complain about guests who balk at taking off their shoes.
Another method of protecting things from people is to place entire rooms off limits. The front parlor was in its glory for visiting clergy and dead relatives - the former to take tea and the latter to be laid out - but was also available for guests. While that concept survives in the modern living room, it is left empty while guests are entertained in the kitchen, which has been enlarged for the purpose.
Miss Manners is left to suppose that the quality of guests has gone down. Even they seem to agree that they are not good enough to use the guest towels.
And even without watching daytime television, Miss Manners has heard enough people talk about their families as to have no illusions about what they think their relatives deserve.
But she is still puzzled about why, then, it is still customary to stockpile all that good stuff. Surely it would make sense to shop around for better people - or worse stuff.
xxxx
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate