There’s a problem with wearing garments adorned with meaningless crests.
People often mistake you for an airline attendant.
At least that’s what a friend overheard someone say in an upscale Spokane women’s apparel shop.
That same conversation also produced this observation: “It’s not cool to be a yuppie anymore.”
It could be worse: The arrival of August has been known to strike fear in the hearts of at least some calendar-watching kids. That’s because the back-to-school countdown unofficially begins today.
But The Slice would like to note that returning to class is nothing compared to the kinds of scary things adults face. You want examples?
1. Your generation is in charge.
2. Going out with a frustrated amateur singer who forces you to take her to a piano bar where she somehow manages to get invited to stand up and perform a little number.
3. Certain tests that become a part of physical exams as you get older.
4. Reading that you will need to have saved $14 billion by the time you are 55 to even contemplate a halfway comfortable retirement.
5. You’ll wake up and discover that every professional athlete except George Foreman and Doink the Clown are younger than you.
6. Some people are going to expect you to really care about your yard.
7. Hearing yourself be the one to say “I’ll give you something to cry about” or “Before you go to the mall, I want you to clean out the garage.”
8. Fun-filled conversations about mutual funds, insurance and taxes.
9. Insincere bosses attempting to “manage” your morale.
10. Hair loss/hair gain.
Map shortage in the Southeast: “I got a call last week from a very nice gentleman in Florida,” faxed Sherry Lindsey, who works for the city of Spokane. “He wanted to know if Spokane was in between Seattle and Portland. My first thought was - yes, if you’re flying southwest.”
Run fast, run far: If you notice a baby boomer getting a far-away look while listening to a Crosby, Stills & Nash song. (Chances are, a long pointless story is coming.)
A baker’s dozen of Slice-approved names for cats: 1. Cheetah. 2. Flipper. 3. Lesley Gore. 4. Electric Ladyland. 5. Bea Taylor. 6. Pugsley. 7. Shane. 8. Tatiana. 9. Baxter. 10. Nemo. 11. Scout. 12. Emy. 13. T. Tommy.
Today’s Slice question: When you are at the movies, what tactic do you employ to discourage people from sitting right behind or beside you?
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing
MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. If Seafirst Stadium had a Sony Jumbotron, what sort of crowd-scenes would get shown most?