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Compared To This Bile, We’re Just Big Pussycats

Some would accuse people of being mean, of being insensitive, of being critical to a fault. Some need, obviously, to get a clue about what real nastiness can be.

For example: A panel of women consisting of such celebrities as Joan Rivers and authors Nancy Friday, Olivia Goldsmith, Barbara Taylor Bradford and Eileen Goudge met in NewYork. Their topic? “Leona Helmsley: A Mary Magdalene for the Millennium?”

Some remarks: Bradford predicted the widow Helmsley - a convicted felon - would remarry but would first move “to the south of Switzerland and get injections of mare urine and take on many lovers.”

When Rivers asked “who will come” to Helmsley’s funeral, Bradford quipped that a lot of people would, “Just to make sure she’s dead.”

Loose talk Demi Moore on what keeps her going (in Bazaar magazine): “Part of my drive is that I feel I am here for a purpose. There is something I don’t know what yet but as I keep going it will become clearer where I can be of service. I believe we are all very connected, we are all one.”

Her chenille-trimmed credenza glows with effusive fervor

Martha Stewart turns 56 today.

They thought he was nothin’ but a hound dog

In 1956’s “Love Me Tender,” 23-year-old Debra Paget met Elvis Presley. “He used to come over to our house and have dinner and just go around with my family,” Paget said. He proposed, but her parents said no. Otherwise, she says, “I probably would have married him.”

Whatever else they were, the lies weren’t malicious

Eddie Murphy dropped a $5 million libel suit Thursday against the National Enquirer. The movie comic had sued both the Enquirer and the Globe, saying stories about his encounter with a transsexual prostitute were false. Said his publicist, Murphy dropped the Enquirer suit after he determined that the tab hadn’t acted maliciously.

She’s also doing a great job for tabloid sales

It’s now Tony Blair’s turn to stand up for Princess Diana. Responding to ongoing criticism of her, the British prime minister lauded her charity work, saying, “She’s doing a great job for the country and should be allowed to carry on without people pulling her to pieces.”

The differences? His movie make money and hers don’t

It’s official. Jim Carrey and Lauren Holly have filed for divorce. The reason: “irreconcilable differences.” He once described her as “brilliant, talented, selfless, caring, loving, the best combination of everything anyone could ever think of.”

Just another reason to surf the Web

Elle McPherson’s baby sister, Mimi McPherson, allowed herself to be videotaped doing the unmentionable with one Matthew Bennett. Trouble is they broke up. And before she could say fast-forward, McPherson discovered that the 19-minute video had appeared on the Internet.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 photos

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Dan Webster