Thought Of Aging Holds No Comfort
Dear Ann Landers: I’d like to tell you why I will commit suicide some day. It may be 40 years in the future, but it could happen sooner. I would like to go peacefully in my sleep at an old age, having been healthy and active right up to that time. The reality is that this doesn’t happen to many of us.
I used to visit a nursing home regularly and made some startling and profound observations. I saw old people waiting for death. They stare off into space with blank, hollow expressions. They have difficulty processing information and following instructions. When asked the simplest of questions, many look puzzled and give replies that have nothing to do with the subject.
These once intelligent people cannot remember the telephone number they’ve had for 40 years. They struggle with names of family members and longtime friends. Their bodies are disintegrating as fast as their minds. Many cannot stand or walk without assistance. Others are bedridden. Sight and hearing are greatly diminished or absent. So is the sense of smell. Food has very little appeal.
But they are still capable of feeling pain. Some have bedsores the size of gunshot wounds. Others have broken ribs from a hard cough or sneeze. A few have dislocated shoulders from turning in bed. And the dreaded broken hip is the nightmare of many.
The majority of nursing home patients are over 75, and seven out of 10 are women. This will not be my farewell. When I take my life, it will be clean. I will not leave my body where a loved one will experience the horror of finding it. I don’t need Dr. Jack (Kevorkian). I just need dignity. I am not asking for your approval, Ann, I just wanted to express myself. - Anonymous in Missouri
Dear Anonymous: I am glad you didn’t ask for my approval because I could not give it. Suicide is against my religion. I would like to know what my readers think about your letter. It’s a powerful one, and I thank you for writing it.
Dear Ann Landers: I’m so furious today that I’m having a hard time concentrating at work, so I’m writing you to let off some steam.
My problem is my cousin “Marie.” She came to visit me a few months ago, and I took a week off to spend time with her. I put more than 1,000 miles on my car, not to mention what I spent showing her a good time.
After Marie left, I noticed a book of mine was missing. I had let her take a look at it and never saw it again. When I spoke to Marie later, I asked if she’d seen my book, and she replied, “I have no idea what you are talking about.” Yesterday, I discovered that one of my favorite vests is gone. It was in the closet of the guest bedroom where Marie stayed. I searched my entire house and even called the cleaners, but there is no sign of the vest.
I don’t want to create problems within my family, although I’ve told my mother and she agrees that Marie may have taken those items. I don’t understand how she could have done this to me when I tried so hard to make her visit pleasant.
What should I do? My mother says to forget about it, but I can’t. I’m so hurt by this, I haven’t spoken to Marie since. Any suggestions would be welcome. - Perplexed in Pennsylvania
Dear Pa.: Please phone Marie and tell her you are looking for that vest and to please search her closets because she may have inadvertently packed it when she left.
To accuse her point-blank of stealing would probably cause irreparable damage to your friendship and a permanent rift in the family. Giving Marie an easy out is the best way to go.