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Cheap Seats

What they need is Bench, Morgan and Rose

National League president Leonard Coleman said he has the power to make Episcopal Church Presiding Bishop Edmond Browning a Cardinal.

“Not even the Archbishop of Canterbury can do that,” Coleman quipped in a letter sent to Browning this spring.

Browning, who describes himself as an avid New York Yankees fan, knew Coleman because the baseball administrator had served both as an Episcopal Church missionary in Africa and as chairman of the bishop’s fund for world relief.

Knowing full well the bishop’s preference for the American League’s Yankees, Coleman tried his best to tempt him.

Maybe not with the St. Louis Cardinals.

“Would you like to become pastor of the Cincinnati Reds?” Coleman wrote. “From time to time, they need a little pastoral help.”

Hey, look at me

Carl Lewis is donating a life-size mural of himself performing the long jump for students at his old high school in Willingboro, N.J.

“I made it from right where they are now, and I want the students to know if little ol’ me could do it, they can too,” the nine-time Olympic gold medalist said.

Which do you think is larger, the mural or Lewis’ ego?

Name that team

The Austin (Texas) team in the Western Professional Hockey League is known as the Ice Bats, because as Mark Wangrin pointed out in the Austin American-Statesman, “Austin is home to the largest urban colony of bats in the world.”

It also inspired Wangrin to select his 10 best team names. Among them were the Macon (Ga.) Whoopie of the Central Hockey League, the Lansing (Mich.) Lugnuts of baseball’s Class A Midwest League, the Piedmont (N.C.) Boll Weevils of baseball’s South Atlantic League and the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes of the California League.

What, he’s never heard of the Pateros Billygoats and Nannygoats?

Too smart

At the NFL scouting combine in 1994, Raiders outside linebacker Rob Holmberg took an intelligence test along with all the other rookies-to-be.

Holmberg scored so high, it almost hurt his football career.

“When I first came into the league, they said there’s actually a point where they say you’re too smart,” Holmberg said. “That’s what the linebackers coach said, I was two questions away from being too smart.”

Outside linebacker Mike Morton heard similar stories in 1995 after mastering the intelligence test as if it were a junior high school math quiz.

“I scored pretty high,” Morton said. “I was worried about that. If you score too high, they think you’re uncoachable.”

Actually, it’s that they think you’re too smart to do steroids.

The last word . .

“Where the thing is headed is corporate ownership. I can see lining up with (Rupert) Murdoch’s Marauders against (Ted) Turner’s Terriers, which would be a shame.”

- New York Giants owner Wellington Mara, on the impact high salaries may have on the future of the NFL.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo



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