Clean Plate Closes Book On Alphonso’s Love

If Walt Disney had written the script, Tara and Alphonso would have frolicked in clover beneath the tranquil Cataldo Mission till death parted them. Alas, Walt is pushing up daisies and so is Alphonso. Remember him? He’s the 1,800-pound Limousin bull who, two years ago this month, seduced the neighbor’s Charolais heifer, Tara. Afterward, she wouldn’t leave his pen. Ultimately, Alphonso’s owners, including Kootenai County official Dave Daniel, were ordered to pay the neighbor $2,900 for the deflowered cow and damages. Disney’s Ferdinand was let out to pasture for his misdeeds of the heart. But Alphonso met a different fate. Said Daniel’s wife, Sandy: “We ate him.” Goodbye true love.

The fair on $1.50

The North Idaho Fair would go bankrupt if it relied on my family for business. On opening night, The Idaho Spokesman-Review provided passes to get four of us in free. Then, we listened to the free “Men In The Making” concert, at which a kind vendor gave us his last three soft drinks. Next, my daughter swapped a Coeur d’Alene library ribbon for four free rides. Finally, as we enjoyed the free exhibits, two service-club Joes offered us corn dogs for 50 cents apiece, one third the regular price. I bought three. You have to splurge sometime.

Getting an earful

A couple was overheard in the S-R lobby discussing a photo of Prince Charles. She: “I just don’t understand what people see in him.” He: “You would if you were Mike Tyson.” … The managers of McDonald’s on Appleway had an explanation why their readerboard advertised briefly last week “hiring for flexable schedules.” Said one: “We didn’t have any more ‘I’s.” No inflexibility there. … Bumpersnicker spotted Saturday evening on a gray Ford Escort in front of Toro Viejo: “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”

Beware of the media

After reporters crammed into the Bonners Ferry City Hall for the press conference on Ruby Ridge Thursday, a sheriff’s deputy locked the double doors leading to the street. His office was concerned that kooks would disrupt things. The few residents who visited City Hall to pay utility bills appreciated the protection from the frenzied media.

Huckleberries

Earlier this month, the U.S. Forest Service issued a press release about air tankers flying from Coeur d’Alene to fight Spokane fires. It urged reporters to call for more information. And they tried to do so - only to find the number was disconnected. … Arlene Allured of Hayden Lake is looking for a good home for her late husband’s impressive collection of 2,000 golf balls, alphabetized and gleaned from all over the world. Anyone? … America has an organization for everything, including one that believes a National Weather Service hiring freeze is jeopardizing public safety: the National Emergency Management Council for Americans United to Maintain the Weather Service. I’m not kidding. Bill Schwartz, Kootenai County disaster services director, represents Idaho. … So, why did Kevin Harris’ family make an unexpected trip to Spokane while trying to bail him out of jail Friday? It couldn’t find a Bonners Ferry bank with $5,000 cash on hand.

Parting shot

Kudos to Chad Darlas, 9, of Coeur d’Alene. At Molly b’Damn Days in Murray Aug. 2, the youngster spotted a lost money clip containing $266. As he handed the clip and cash to a sheriff’s deputy, Chad was concerned only that it had been lost by someone with kids. The officer turned the money over to festival director Joan Nicholson, who then put up posters, ran newspaper ads and finally located the money’s owner, an ex-Californian who’d just moved to Wallace. The recent transplant was more concerned about the clip than the money. It was distinctive - and the only thing he had of his dead brother’s. Steve and Windy Darlas are raising a great kid.

, DataTimes MEMO: Gotta Huckleberry? Call the Huckleberry Hound Hotline: (800) 344-6718 or (208) 765-7125; daveo@spokesman.com.

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = D.F. Oliveria The Spokesman-Review