In “Kull the Conqueror,” Kevin Sorbo gets peed on by a camel, kissed by a disgusting she-devil and beaten senseless by a bunch of creeps.
Ah, the glamour of Hollywood.
Sorbo is best known for playing the buff, shirtless, Grecian superman on TV’s “Hercules” and, for a refreshing change of pace, he plays a buff, shirtless, medieval superman in “Kull.”
Sorbo is bare-chested during so much of “Kull” that it begins to seem like a running joke. At one point, his land is in flames and his woman is in imminent danger, but, before Kull can take care of them, he pauses to rip off his tunic.
The story is no great shakes.
Kull is crowned king, but a bunch of thugs want him kicked out, so there’s lots of sword-fighting, a vile temptress (the uncharismatic Tia Carrere) and a statue that dispenses a breath-of-life thing that I didn’t quite get. What with all the ancient curses and needless plot complications, it’s tough to keep track of what’s going on in “Kull,” and the special effects are surprisingly lackluster (a mythological beast or two would have pepped things up).
Still, the fight scenes are well-choreographed, and Sorbo is a likable action hero whose wiseguyness never seems smug. Take, for instance, the scene when he’s told that his new wife is really an ancient crone in disguise.
“Your wife is over 3,000 years old,” a friend says, and the understated Sorbo replies, “She told me she was 19.”
Much of the humor has a double-entendre element to it, particularly when Kull meets up with a pirate/lech played by Harvey Fierstein.
“You’ve got nice equipment,” Fierstein leers at Kull just before giving him some knockout drops. We never find out what happens while Kull is unconscious, but you be the judge: All I’m saying is that when he takes the potion, he’s fully clothed, but when he wakes up - you guessed it - he’s not wearing a shirt.
MEMO: “Kull The Conqueror” Location: East Sprague, Coeur d’Alene, Post Falls, North Division Credits: Directed by John Nicolella, starring Kevin Sorbo and Tia Carrere, Thomas Ian Griffith, Litefoot, Harvey Fierstein, Karina Lombard Running time: 1:34 Rating: PG-13