Eastern Has Rich Tradition Of Upgrading
As spokesman for the alumni of Eastern Washington University, I have prepared a brief statement regarding the proposed takeover of our beloved alma mater by Washington State University:
“Yahoo! We’re going to the Roooose Bowl!”
Letting WSU gobble Eastern is a terrific idea. Without paying a cent in tuition or attending another class we can - 1) Upgrade our unassuming diplomas, and 2) Jump onto the Pasadena-bound Cougar bandwagon.
Being Cougs requires mastering some new social skills. Ex-Eagles must learn how to garble the WSU Fight Song while guzzling a six-pack of beer.
Many college kids stuck in excitement-challenged Pullman seem to minor in pounding brewskies.
It’s worth a little liver loss. Swapping EWU in its present shabby condition for WSU is like trading a rustbucket Chevy Vega for a reliable late-model Ford Taurus.
There’s no nice way to say it. Washington State is a bigger, better school.
Sen. Jim West of Spokane came up with this pre-Christmas surprise. Under Santa West’s plan, Pullman-based Washington State would turn the Cheney campus into a WSU branch or maybe a Vegas-style casino.
Whatever. My hope is that this matter is settled before kickoff Jan. 1. The deal will be even harder to sell to my fellow collegians without free tickets to the big game.
As with anything that makes perfect sense, there is much squawking. On Friday flummoxed Eastern trustees basically told the good senator to take a flying squat thrust.
Face it, EWU die-hards. Our once-proud institution is burnt toast. If Eastern were a corporation it would file Chapter 11.
Blame pretentious EWU administrators for letting enrollment sink lower than a Butte copper mine.
These fuzzy thinkers lost sight of their central mission, which is to train the next generation of teachers, writers and executives. They involved the college in a grandiose Spokane educational park, foolishly moving the business school to the new digs.
The fragmented Cheney campus became less and less relevant. Morale of faculty and non-faculty workers plummeted.
Finally the slide into the academic abyss became egregious enough to cut through President Mark Drummond’s brain fog. He announced his resignation last summer, effective 1998. He also cut himself a two-year, $240,000 paid vacation and a sweet teaching job upon his return.
There’s more shark than eagle in this predator.
The time has come to pack it in and join the Pac-10. Hip-hip-hooray for the Crimson and Gray!
Eastern already has a rich tradition of upgrading.
The place started out in 1882 as the Benjamin P. Cheney Academy. That gave way to Cheney State Normal School eight years later, which became Eastern Washington College of Education in 1937.
In 1969, realizing a college was a fine way to escape the draft, I enrolled at what was then Eastern Washington State College.
The school served me well. I got good grades, met my wife and, thanks to a student deferment, avoided Vietnam.
Eastern became a university in 1977, two years after I graduated.
Did I go around telling prospective employers I earned my degree at a mere college? A place whose mascot was a degrading Indian caricature known as the Savage?
No siree.
I was suddenly a university man. Even the Eastern mascot was mercifully upgraded to the national bird.
If Sen. West prevails, I’ll be able to look my friends straight in the eye and say, “Yep, I’m a Coug.”
With luck, Eastern’s demise will be the start of a trend. Maybe in a few years, a real university - perhaps Harvard or Yale - will slither in like a python and swallow Washington State.
I’ve always wanted to be an Ivy Leaguer.
, DataTimes