The Slice Maybe Santa Will Bring Jobs

Somebody asked us to write to Santa on behalf of Spokane.

So we just want to report that we’ll be overnighting him a request for 5,000 good jobs, some nice sweaters and a truckload of antidepressants.

You know you made a fool of yourself at the office Christmas party if co-workers are calling you:

1. “Egg Noggin.”

2. “Mr. Nasty Elf.”

3. “Miss Mistletoemouth.”

4. “Blitzed, the blotto reindeer.”

5. “The Toastedmaster.”

Shedding some light on dim bulbs:

“He’s one shot short of a latte.” - Suzann Miller, St. John, Wash.

“His saddle is on but it’s not cinched up.” - T. Dale, Thornton, Wash.

“He’s one ice storm short of a winter.” - reader who wished to remain anonymous

“The light turned red but he kept going.” - Joe Adams

Happy talk ‘97: Barry Lychak wonders how many other viewers of Spokane TV news resent what he termed “gratuitous giggling.”

To tell the truth, we hadn’t noticed quite as much of that lately. But perhaps it’s just that our mute-button skills have improved.

“I swear, that wasn’t me”: We heard from a woman who has been home on extended medical leave. She couldn’t help but wonder how many of her co-workers noticed when a person with the exact same name appeared in a recent Swell Paper story. That article highlighted the adventures of Spokane-area residents who were out engaging in hand-to-hand Christmas shopping.

Table manners: We asked readers to name the most annoying dining habit they encounter. Two clear “winners” emerged.

1. Spaghetti sucking.

2. Blowing nose in napkin.

Update: Though several readers asked if we were serious about having a Slice representative ride along on some lucky couple’s first date, no one took us up on this admittedly unusual offer. Maybe next year.

And nobody has been willing to step up and declare himself or herself the King or Queen of Spokane Boredom. Yet. Maybe it’s because people have heard what one reader’s mother used to say: “Only boring people get bored.”

Today’s Slice question: In the Spokane metropolitan area, how do you figure it breaks down this year, percentage-wise, in this whole matter of who’s been naughty and nice?

(Our guess: Naughty - 48 percent. Nice - 49 percent. Too close to call at this date - 3 percent.)

, DataTimes MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. We can’t print everything. We heard from a woman who said she has lost 150 flower bulbs to squirrels.