December 16, 1997 in Features

The Slice Alternative Futures, Happy And Tragic, For George Bailey

By The Spokesman-Review
 

When your psychic friends here at The Slice aren’t sitting around sipping mulled wine and making plans to market a “Scent of Spokane” holiday candle, one thing we like to do is play “What would have happened to our old building and loan pal George Bailey if he had managed to get out of Bedford Falls like he wanted?”

Recent guesses include:

He moved to Los Angeles and got shot on the freeway.

Married a supermodel and wound up divorced after six weeks.

Went to work for Disney and got canned after pushing for a theme park based on a mythical little town where people rush to give money to someone in trouble.

Cashed in on angels mania with best seller, “Touched by a Clarence.”

Overheard at a Christmas tree lot in Coeur d’Alene (an annoyed twentysomething woman talking to a twentysomething man): “Can’t we go anywhere without running into someone you used to sleep with?” - submitted by Marilyn Kochner

Progress: You can’t really understand America until your childhood sledding hill gets turned into a subdivision.

Pet peeve: When the Post Office affixes stickers on postcards right over the name of the sender or some other important information.

Clarifying the obvious:

Julie Hunt of Post Falls took her 3-year-old son Shawn to see Santa. This ensued.

Santa: “What do you want for Christmas?”

Shawn: “Presents.”

Santa: “What kind of presents do you want?”

Shawn: “Christmas presents.”

Three attitudes about fireplaces: 1. “It’s so beautiful and cozy.”

2. “Well, I happen to enjoy smelling like smoldering ashes.”

3. “It just leaves a mess.”

Attention men: If you really want to know what the women in your life think about the way you look from behind, plant a secret microphone on them when you realize they are going out to buy you some blue jeans.

We were at a South Hill clothing store the other day and heard all about some poor guy’s backside as his wife and mother-in-law tried to select appropriately snug pants for him from the 41 different styles of jeans.

“Totally Vegas”: That’s how Sue and Jerry Unruh describe houses adorned with an overabundance of holiday lights, et cetera.

Today’s Slice question: What are the bargaining rules when teenagers offer to shovel your walk?

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Color photo

MEMO: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. If you are trying to lead a good life, seeing Salvation Army donations solicitors shouldn’t make you feel bad.

The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. If you are trying to lead a good life, seeing Salvation Army donations solicitors shouldn’t make you feel bad.


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