Re-Enter Dream, Ask What ‘Ex’ Wants
Dear Nancy: I have had this recurring dream for several years. For some background history: When I was 17 years old, I married a man who was very abusive both physically and mentally. He cheated and lied to me constantly, and we divorced after five years of marriage.
Later, I met and married Larry, an old high-school friend. We have been together nine years and I have never been happier. I finally know what it is to be in love and to be loved. He is not only my lover, but he’s also my best friend and a truly good man. Here is my dream. - C.L.
I’m with Larry, doing something fun, like dancing, making love or taking a trip. I tell him how happy I am to be with him, and then I open my eyes and it’s my ex-husband laughing very maliciously at me. I panic and scream, “Where is Larry?” I wake up in terror.
Dear C.L.: I can see why you are terrorized by this dream. Having the same theme over and over again would be extremely disturbing.
Let’s examine the dream in several ways.
First, are there any similarities between your ex-husband and Larry? Are you becoming aware of disturbing elements in the way Larry treats you? Remember, dreams usually exaggerate our feelings and insights so we can “get the picture.”
The dreams may be precognitive. You mentioned your “ex” is violent and harassed you in the past. Hopefully, he will leave you alone, but it’s good to be aware of the possibility.
Are you still fearful of him? Dreams illustrate our fears in remarkable ways. Are you afraid he will interfere in your life again? Your dreams might be depicting this fear.
When we spoke on the phone. you mentioned you sometimes speak harshly to Larry and then feel guilty about it. Many of our dreams use other people to depict parts of ourselves we are unwilling or unable to see otherwise. Perhaps your ex-husband is showing up in your dreams to represent the part of yourself that is unkind and harsh. We all have a “dark side.” Having to face up to these darker parts of ourselves can be scary because they threaten our self image.
It might be helpful to sit quietly and re-enter the dream in a waking state. When you are once again faced with your “ex,” ask him what he wants and who he really is. Just listen to his response without judgment or analysis. You may find you can learn something about yourself from him.
If it’s appropriate (and you will know if it is by your feelings), befriend him. It may also be appropriate to fight him until he is overpowered or slain.
I suggest you do this process with a trusted friend or counselor. If you find it difficult to visually re-enter the dream, then write it down on paper instead. The purpose of this re-entry process is to bring resolution to the dream, which can often put an end to recurring nightmares.
This column is intended as entertainment. But psychologists who work with clients’ dreams say that dreams can hold a tremendous amount of significance; a particularly disturbing or repetitive dream may indicate the need to see a therapist.
, DataTimes MEMO: Nancy Huseby Bloom has studied dreams for 18 years. Dreams may be sent to her c/o The Spokesman-Review, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210-1615, or fax, (509) 459-5098. Please send a short summary of the circumstances in your life and include your name, address and phone number. Nancy conducts dream groups on a regular basis. For information, call 455-3450.