Heart Attack Valentine’s Day Can Make Unsmitten Feel Blue And See Red

“Lover Boy” … “Hot For You” … One by one, I ate the steamy messages on the little candy hearts. The sugar satisfied my sweet tooth, but it didn’t feed my deeper craving for love.

It was Valentine’s Day, and I was alone. Cupid had cut me off again. No man, no romance, not even a hunk on the horizon. It was the sixth year in a row I had faced the holiday of hearts without a boyfriend. Somehow, it didn’t seem fair.

Being alone on Valentine’s Day is a torturous red sentence. Hearts and hype hit you from every direction. At the stores, in the air, on the airwaves … the mush is rampant, and the message unanimous: To be somebody, you have to have somebody, and everybody I knew did.

I was the lonely exception, going solo on a day designed for duos. I wanted love and romance. I wanted to be pampered and spoiled by a special man. I wanted a Valentine, but the hunk my heart beat for was a limited-edition Spokane model … tanned, toned and typically taken.

The red plague hit me before I even made it out the door. Hungry hearts and hormones raged through the radio airwaves. Love songs, requests, dedications, it was an endless stream of sap.

I cranked up rock music to drown it out, but Cupid was persistent. He followed me to work. A bumper sticker with a heart on it decorated the car in front of me.

I hit every red light. I even felt a beat from the heart pendant I wore around my neck. I hated hearts. I hated Cupid. I hated myself for owning a red car.

I tried to hide at work, but there was no escaping the red plague. Roses seemed to blossom from every desk. The scent was strong enough to knock out callous Cupid himself.

I smiled at the lucky girls who had received roses, but inside I was burning with jealousy. I tried to blend in with my red pumps, but I knew everybody else knew I didn’t have anybody.

It showed in my lifeless stride. It showed on my empty desk … no flowers, no cards, just an old coffee mug stuffed with some leftover Christmas candy. I felt like a leftover, too … rejected and lonely. I wanted a stud, but I had been stiffed. I hated Valentine’s Day.

The morning was young, but I felt old. Like the lines around my eyes, the absence of flowers and cards on my desk was another painful reminder that I was over 30, and still single. I was tired of going home to an empty apartment. I was tired of eating dinner by myself. I was tired of being alone on Valentine’s Day.

I wrote the holiday off as a marketing scam to make myself feel better. I ridiculed the people who had been sucked in by the hearts, but I secretly longed to join them.

During the noon hour I ate stale Christmas candy and fantasized with the afternoon soaps. I scoured the stations in a hunt for my dream Valentine. I was lonely and desperate, and that’s when I saw him.

He was the perfect hunk of heart … built, buffed, and according to the story line, totally available. I watched my tanned target carefully, and learned how to land him during lengthy commercial breaks.

The handsome hunk of burning love could be mine if I hid my wrinkles, popped diet pills, and wore the right kind of underarm deodorant. This was love American-style.

I was tempted by his triceps, but knew I was much too flawed for a perfect Valentine like him. I scrubbed the soap stud, and headed home to my empty apartment. My heart was out of circulation.

And that’s when I found it: a big red envelope stuffed in the mailbox. Could it be?

I ripped it open. Inside, I discovered a Valentine … my first and only Valentine. I read the message scribbled on the card. “You’ll find your man. Hang in there. Love, Mom.”

I read it again. The words made me feel good. It was a different kind of love. It was a different kind of Valentine, but I was content. The moment was mine, and my mother’s message was right on.

This Valentine’s Day I’ll be wearing a diamond engagement ring. I’ll have love. I’ll have flowers and romance. I’ll have a heart. But, more importantly, I’ll also have one for those who don’t.

MEMO: Cynthia Prentiss is a viewer development producer for KHQ-TV.