Your Input Adds To Understanding

Dear Ann Landers: That letter from “Somewhere in Pennsylvania” caught my eye. “Somewhere’s” fiance, “Tom,” is a cross-dressing, successful attorney. She wanted to know if he is a homosexual. I can tell her - it ain’t necessarily so.

I am a cross-dresser and strictly heterosexual. When I was growing up, there wasn’t much reliable information on this subject. My encyclopedia said cross-dressers were homosexuals, so I fought the urge to cross-dress for many years. I knew I wasn’t homosexual, but I was afraid of what others might think.

After I married, I told my wife about my secret urge. She did her best to be understanding but then forced me to see a therapist, who insisted I had to give up cross-dressing to save my marriage. It was very painful at first, but I did it.

I still think about cross-dressing, and even writing about it causes me pain, but I owe my kids a decent upbringing, and my sexual fulfillment is less important than they are. I hope Tom resolves this dilemma before he marries. - Middle America

Dear Middle America: Thanks for the input. Keep reading for more:

From Oregon: Your response about the cross-dressing attorney was surprising. Why didn’t you tell her to dump the creep and his padded bra? She said he has no homosexual characteristics. Well, what do you think cross-dressing is? I walked in on a former boyfriend and was shocked to see him wearing my silk negligee and a great big smile on his face. This is a guy who was very macho and into weight lifting and deer hunting. We never married, which was lucky for me.

Portland, Me.: Bravo, Ann, for your wise response to “Somewhere in Pennsylvania.” There is no way her fiance will give up cross-dressing. If he says he will, he’ll do it behind her back. It was decent of him to level with her before they married. Many men in his position mistakenly believe marriage will “cure” them. It won’t.

Somewhere in Arizona: I offer a lifetime of experience to “Somewhere.” Her fear that her transvestite boyfriend is homosexual is groundless. I have enjoyed cross-dressing for many years and am completely normal. I’ve had a successful business career and am married with four children and five grandchildren.

Hamilton, Ontario: “Somewhere in Pennsylvania” should get out now. Her cross-dressing boyfriend will never change. I’ve been there. Coming home and finding a man in a dress never turned my crank. The prospect of telling the kids why Dad locked himself in the bedroom for hours was no piece of cake, either. My psychiatrist said I had a problem because I couldn’t accept it.

El Monte, Calif.: Thanks for your response on cross-dressing. I’m a psychologist and a transvestite, and I’m married to a wonderful, supportive woman. I take exception, however, to your use of the word “deviant.” I prefer “variant.” It is less judgmental. I wish our society would stop equating cross-dressing with sexual orientation. One has nothing to do with the other.

San Diego: I have been working with transvestites for 11 years, doing makeup, wigs, hair removal and body waxing. My clients include doctors, lawyers, CEOs and successful businessmen. It has been a learning experience that has made me much more tolerant. Many of these men have become dear friends. Every male has a “failing” - gambling, drugs, drinking, womanizing, etc. I’ll settle for cross-dressing any day. It is totally harmless.

So, dear readers, you’ve just heard from people who know the story from the inside. I hope it has made you less judgmental. It did me.