Cheap Seats
Stop us if you’ve heard this one
A man high in the nosebleed seats at Lambeau Field notices an extreme rarity during a Packers game an empty seat on the 50-yard line, just four rows back from the field. So, at halftime, he wanders down and asks the fan next to the vacant seat why it’s empty.
The fan replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. But she died.”
The other fan says, “I’m so sorry to hear that. But why didn’t you give it to a friend or relative?”
The widower says, “They’re all at the funeral.”
Where are the Ralph Kiners of tomorrow?
In Cleveland, Jayson Stark of the Philadelphia Inquirer reported this: Accepting an award for teammate Omar Vizquel, Indians third baseman Jim Thome was heard to say, “Omar Vizquel sympathizes everything that’s good about the Cleveland Indians.”
The cat in the hat’s got your back
America’s Team has a drug offender (Leon Lett) and an all-purpose scoundrel (Michael Irvin) - so why not a gangsta?
That would be Deion Sanders, if you can believe David Resheske, a district attorney in Wisconsin, who complained that Sanders was sending gang signals when he wore a baseball cap tipped to the left side during the Cowboys-Panthers playoff game.
“It’s one of the most obvious gang identifiers,” Resheske said. “We’re going to all this trouble trying to educate parents and raise the awareness of the gang problem, and the league lets him go on national TV like that.
“If your kid walks in the house with his hat like that and you say anything, what’s he going to say, ‘Well, Deion Sanders does it.’ ” A spokesman for the Cowboys was flabbergasted.
“There’s no way Deion would be advocating anything to do with that type of behavior,” said Rich Dalrymple.
No, of course not. And just because he scrawls Leon Lett’s number on his wristband, he’s not advocating that type of behavior, either.
And now back to you, Marv
NBA sports announcer Hannah Storm is a mother for the first time. She and husband Dan Hicks became parents of Hannah Elizabeth last week - the fourth consecutive Hannah in her mom’s family.
Had it been a boy, would they have named him Albert?
Leave the wisecracks to us, G&B
If you attended Saturday’s Oregon State-Washington State game in Spokane, you may have been taken aback by a designation on the ticket.
Topping the columns on the ticket listing admission price, section, row and seat number, was the category “event.” And above that was the word “WORST.”
Now, the Cougars’ 80-64 victory wasn’t stylish, but it wasn’t that bad.
No editorial comment intended, said an employee at G&B Select-A-Seat. With the Cougs playing Oregon the same week, the company wanted to distinguish between the two games - hence the “W” for WSU and “ORST” for Oregon State.
So if the Cougs ever play Bemidji State, don’t get too pumped.
The last word …
“The person going 200 miles per hour 4 inches from my bumper, I know him. I trust his judgment and focus implicitly. I have more fear of the Winnebago coming at me at 40 mph with a driver bending over to pick up a cassette.”
- Indy-car racer Parker Johnstone
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo