Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News
Newt and his three payment plans
Newt Gingrich has three options for paying his $300,000 fine: (1) He can pay it out of his own pocket; (2) Out of his campaign funds; or (3) Out of funds solicited for his tax-exempt college course, Bailing Out America.
You never know what you’ll hear on your cell-phone
Meanwhile, Rep. Jim McDermott is in trouble for disclosing the contents of overheard cell-phone conversations. Apparently, McDermott announced not only that Gingrich had violated his ethics committee agreements, but also that “Carla” in Boca Raton was cheating on “Bob” with “Mike.”
Trust us, we’re members of the health-care conglomerate
Early mammograms can save lives. However, a national panel of health-care professionals has chosen not to recommend them after uncovering startling new evidence that they cost a few bucks.
Mixed messages regarding nursing home survey
The good news: A new survey shows that fewer elderly Americans require nursing homes. The bad news: This is because of Dr. Kevorkian.
Are you ready for some commercialism?
Here’s my Super Bowl prediction: Pepsi by one point over Anheuser-Busch.
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 3 Photos
MEMO: Bottom Lines is Jim Kershner’s look at issues in the news. The views are the writer’s.