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And you thought the Patriots were a longshot

How does 50,000-to-1 sound?

Those are the odds the William Hill bookmakers of London gave Steve Caldicott, a Birmingham chap who placed a $33 bet that his son will score a goal for England in the World Cup final in the year 2018.

Steve’s son, Jack, is 3 months old and will be 21 in 2018. If Jack cashes, he stands to win $1.67 million.

An inaugural party worth missing

Thanks, but I’ll pass on this one, was syndicated columnist Dave Barry’s reply to an invitation by the Utah Sports Authority regarding the grand opening of the Olympic bobsled-luge track.

USA chairman Randy Dryer invited Barry to take a death-defying inaugural run on the Park City, Utah, track.

Responding in kind to Dryer’s tongue-in-cheek letter, Barry’s note contained some lined-through “corrections,” represented below within parentheses:

“Well, I really appreciate the offer, but I can’t come to the Grand Opening because (I am a coward) of a schedule conflict. But if it’s OK, I’ll keep the offer in mind in case (I lose my mind) my schedule clears up.”

Dryer had written the Miami-based writer a three-page letter that read in part:

“Luge is a Finnish word meaning ‘extremely flimsy Flexible Flyer that insane people cling to while sliding feet first to almost certain death.’

“Does hurtling 90 mph down a mile-long, twisting concrete tube coated with ice inside a contraption that is steered with two spaghetti-thin cables sound like your idea of a good time?”

Dryer also mailed a response to Barry with some “corrections” of his own:< “I hope your planned (frontal lobotomy) schedule will allow a visit in the near future so your devoted fans in Utah can witness your (screams of terror) athletic prowess firsthand.”

Crying foul

Dee Kantner, one of two women to referee NBA games during the preseason, disclosed that Portland Trail Blazers guard Kenny Anderson was the only player to step beyond the bounds of decency. Kantner says Anderson rolled his eyes when he saw her before tipoff. Then, after Kantner whistled him for a technical foul, Anderson continued to complain about a call, telling Kantner she wouldn’t have missed it if she had been “watching the game instead of our pants.”

Anderson admitted to the sexist comment. “If I had it to do all over again, I’d use different words,” he said.

Like “perfectly sculpted butts.”

Mann and his mike

Longtime Atlanta Braves public address announcer Marshall Mann, who died of cancer, was buried in Griffin, Ga., with his microphone in his hands.

In his clasped hands, Mann held the microphone he used from 1967 to 1996 at Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium when he would say, “Ladies and gentlemen, your Atlanta Braves.”

Shortly before his death, Mann had said he wanted his microphone. Braves public relations director Jim Schultz had given Mann the microphone as a keepsake. At his wife Patsy’s insistence, he was buried holding the mike.

If only we could do the same with Brent Musburger.

The last word …

“I was going to say it was about time, but my wife said that would be in bad taste.”

- 1960 Olympic pole vault champion Don Bragg, on his election to the National Track and Field Hall of Fame

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo