Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News

It’s always nice when deserving people win the lottery

What a lucky week this has been for Spokane. First, a nice local couple won the lottery. Then, a couple of days later, so did Jimmy Marks.

The most glaring omission from Gypsy lawsuit settlement

I can’t believe the Gypsy lawsuit settlement failed to address the most urgent question: Will Jimmy lift the Gypsy curse? Please?

At least they no longer have to pretend to admire Prince Charles

Hong Kong has finally freed itself from the yoke of British imperialism. Hong Kong residents celebrated by going out and standing in front of tanks.

I’ve been abducted by aliens, too, but I don’t whine about it

Can you believe this ridiculous media blitz about Roswell and aliens? It used to be every aspiring journalist wanted to be Woodward and Bernstein.

Now, they all want to be Scully and Mulder.

Los Angeles passes first anti-wind ordinance

I used to think that California had the single most screwed-up legal system in America. Then L.A. banned leafblowers. Now, I’m convinced it’s the most enlightened.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 3 Photos

MEMO: Bottom Lines is Jim Kershner’s look at issues in the news. The views are the writer’s.