If You Misread Hints, It’s Devastating

You expect some things in life to be tough: Filling out a tax form, getting a decent haircut, losing 5 pounds. Some things are supposed to be no-brainers like knowing when you’re on a date or not.

Craig and Lila met at work. He’s been with the company for 11 years. She’s been there forever. When Craig got divorced, he had to lean on someone’s shoulder, and it turned out to be Lila’s.

“Along the line I told her I liked her as more than just a friend, and she seemed surprised,” Craig says.

Still, as the divorce got closer to being finalized, Craig and Lila started having lunch together often. They also started hanging out together after work - for a drink or a bite to eat.

“Lila was very concerned about our co-workers seeing us together. She said we needed to be discreet so rumors wouldn’t start flying.”

Now there are different ways to interpret this concern. One way - Lila didn’t want anyone to think she was dating Craig because she wasn’t (and, maybe, didn’t want to discourage any other guys). Craig did not go this route. He figured she was concerned because “she had feelings, too.”

OK.

The divorce was final in May. In June, Craig asked Lila to spend July 3 with him. She said yes, but only on the condition it wasn’t a date.

It turned out to be a 12 hour non-date. The park, a movie, drinks, fireworks (the kind in the sky.)

“It was one of the most memorable days in my life. I had a great time, and she seemed to enjoy herself, too.”

Life, says Craig, was good. Lila seemed to be coming around, warming up. She made little remarks that Craig took as hints she was willing to get more serious.

For Lila’s birthday, Craig took her to a fancy restaurant and gave her a small gift - diamond and ruby earrings. She was speechless. Craig had a spin for this, too.

“She was not accustomed to being treated so well.”

Craig was in love. He was sure Lila was at least in like. He decided to take her on a romantic dinner cruise. She said it sounded like a date. He said it was. She said forget it. She never dated co-workers.

“I was devastated. I was humiliated. How could I have been so wrong? How could I have misread all the hints I thought she was sending me? I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.”

But he didn’t. Three months later, Craig married someone else, hoping Lila would stop him. She didn’t. She was too busy planning her own wedding, to a co-worker who reported to her.

“We still work together and we get along fine. Sometimes we go out to lunch, but only as part of a group. She feels uncomfortable going out with me alone. The reason is I am still deeply in love with her. I recently surprised her with that fact.”

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