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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Emily, At 3 Months, Supports Gas Tax

Washington Gov. Gary Locke spoke Friday at a conference for the Association of Washington Cities on the importance of infrastructure, welfare reform, citizen responsibility and …

Don’t get us wrong, governor. It’s not that streets and budgets aren’t important. In fact, your audience of city officials seemed to find it all quite fascinating.

But reporters want the skinny on the flying rodents in the mansion.

We want to know whether you change the diapers on the state’s first-kid, and whether they’re cloth or disposable.

We want Oprah, not Ted Koppel.

Issue: How’s Emily Nichole, your new daughter?

Response: “She just turned 3 months old and she’s not sleeping through the night yet.”

Issue: How’s she eating?

Response: “She’s not taking the bottle yet.”

Smart kid. The bottle’s ruined more than one political family.

Issue: Do you change diapers?

Response: “Yes, and I buy them, too. It’s not easy, there are so many choices. You have to look at weight, brands, they’re all different.”

Issue: If Emily could talk, what do you suppose she’d say?

Response: “Emily very much supports the gas tax. Emily, more than most people, knows that quality of life in her lifetime depends on the efficient movement of goods and people.”

Pretty sneaky, governor, slipping in some substance. But we’re onto you now, so don’t try it again.

Issue: What about those bats in the mansion? Any more problems after you, Emily and first-lady Mona Lee Locke were forced to get rabies shots in April?

Response: “I have to tell you I’m a little bit tired because last night we captured our third bat in the mansion this week. It was the fourth this month.

“…We had to put a net over Emily’s crib.”

Issue: So, you’re the man in charge. What are you going to do about it?

Response: State workers spent the night on the roof, listening for bat noises. They heard some, and are planning to tear apart walls, evict the rodents and seal up the holes.

Issue: Any good political news?

Response: “Rush Limbaugh is not as popular as he was.”

Issue: OK, here’s your chance to talk substance. Any comments on welfare reform?

Response: “The truth is that 60 years of government entitlements has left us with the impression that …” Sorry, governor. We’re out of space.

, DataTimes