June 28, 1997 in City

Another Case Of Conspiracy, Cover-Up

Tom Teepen Cox News Service

In its most diabolical move yet, the U.S. Air Force has thickened its cover-up of the Flying Saucer crash near Roswell, N.M., 50 years ago by issuing a detailed, 231-page report purporting to show the event never happened.

Thus does the Air Force again evince, if unconsciously, its embedded disrespect of the very nation it claims to protect. Millions of Americans believe in the Roswell Saucer. That alone, in a democracy, ought to be enough to compel, if not an admission from the Air Force, then at least more discreet demurrers.

But there’s more.

Not only do millions believe in the Roswell Saucer. Most of them also believe flying Saucers by the multitudes are still, in scientific terminology, whizzing around.

And as if further proof were needed, no small number of folks have been snatched up to the Saucers, where they have chatted just as nice as you please with the Saucer Beings and have had their bodies poked at as if they were charity patients at a chiropractic college.

Still, brazenly, the Air Force persists in its noisy denials, and the surest sign yet of its falsity is in precisely the massive report the Air Force has now put out.

Just ask yourself: If it didn’t have something to hide, would the Air Force, with all the flying and stuff it has to do, really go to all this trouble denying it has? Of course not.

The details in the report are transparently fraudulent. Take just two.

The Air Force says the people around Roswell didn’t really see space creatures. They saw crash dummies that had been dropped from high-altitude balloons to test parachutes.

But the space creatures were little green men, or perhaps blue, as later confirmed by the people who sneaked into a top secret lab at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio and took the photos of their bodies that have since been published in all of our better tabloids.

Crash dummies don’t look at all like anyone else, except maybe that guy farther down the cul-de-sac who lives alone and almost never cuts his grass. They certainly don’t look like little green men. Or blue.

Enough said.

And the Air Force says the experiments that were confused with a Saucer crash took place in the mid-1950s, but the Roswell incident was in 1947. True, as those who lived through them can attest, those years a were all pretty much alike, which is why we eventually had to elect John Kennedy.

But, really, does the Air Force actually expect us to buy the idea that the keen-witted folk of Roswell misplaced up to eight years in a row and didn’t notice? If nothing else, the confusion over restaurant reservations would have been a heads-up.

In its ongoing flim-flam, the Air Force also has released apparent movies it says show the misconstrued experiments. But the “movies” have the same fakey look of the ones the federal government put out to claim Americans have walked on the moon.

If there aren’t space creatures invading America, how do you explain Ross Perot? Dennis Rodman? All the guests on Sally Jesse Raphael? Raphael herself?

Does anyone really think Al Gore is human?

Wake up, America!

MEMO: Tom Teepen is national correspondent of Cox Newspapers.

Tom Teepen is national correspondent of Cox Newspapers.

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