Amazingly, It Could Be Worse

Dear Ann Landers: This is in response to “California Heartbreak,” who said his wife of 18 years left him for a man she met on the Internet. Sister, can I relate to that! My ex-husband did the same thing to me, literally - he left me for a man.

We had a good, solid marriage, or so I thought - 13 years and two great kids. When “Al” first bought his computer, he spent a lot of time with it. He wanted to check it out to see how it worked. As time went by, he spent more and more time surfing the Internet, “downloading games and programs for the kids,” he said. I believed him. There was no reason not to.

When Al began to stay up until 3 and 4 a.m. on the Internet, I wondered what was going on. Then, I came home from work one day and Al was gone. There was a note on the kitchen table, saying, “I have left to be with Larry, my online friend. I hope you will understand.”

I can’t even think about dating again. Every time I meet a man, I wonder if he’s straight. I feel humiliated and keep asking myself how I could have been so blind. Can you say something to help me? Right now my self-esteem is zero minus 10. - West Coaster

Dear W.C.: I’m sorry about your sad experience, but perhaps you will feel better when I tell you what happened to a bride in Alexandria, Va.

Margaret Anne Hunter was married four months when she discovered the man she had married was a woman. She met Thorne Groves online in an Internet chat room and fell for him hook, line and sinker. Hunter is seeking an annulment and has filed a $575,000 lawsuit against her husband for fraud and to recover the cost of the lavish wedding put on by her parents.

She said the reason they did not have sex was because he told her he had AIDS. They did some high-school type necking, she said, and he fooled her by wearing a prosthetic penis.

Occasionally, people accuse me of making up letters. Who could make up anything to compare with what goes on in real life?

The next letter gives a bit of balance to the Internet scene:

Dear Ann Landers: I agree that computer chat lines can be addictive. You wind up online for three hours instead of the 20 minutes you had planned. And, yes, they can be dangerous. If you agree to meet an online pal in person, bring at least two friends along and make sure the meeting is at a very public place.

Granted, there are hazards, but the Internet also can bring love. My boyfriend and I met on a chat line four months ago. We sent e-mail several times a day and “chatted” whenever our schedules permitted. After two weeks, we exchanged phone numbers and discovered we had a lot in common. We then decided to meet in person. I knew instantly that I had made the right choice. The chemistry was perfect. We’ve been dating ever since. I have met his parents and he has met mine.

Our relationship is strong because it is based on mutual interests and long-term goals. Please, Ann, stop bashing the Internet. It’s not for everyone, but for some of us, it can bring true love. It certainly did for me. - Totally Happy in N.Y.

Dear Totally: It sounds beautiful. I wish you and your cyber-soulmate a lifetime of happiness.

xxxx