March 9, 1997 in Sports

Cheap Seats

 

Sleeping with the enemy, then running away

What do you call an evil demon who has sex with sleeping women? An incubus.

What did Reebok name one of its women’s running shoes? Incubus.

So now the company is scrambling to recall the 18,000 boxes of unsold Incubi currently in the hands of retailers (the name doesn’t appear on the shoe itself). Left unanswered is the question why no one at Reebok had bothered to look up the term in the dictionary - or the name of what a company press release calls one of the “key new offerings” in Reebok’s fall 1997 line of basketball shoes for women. That would be the Jackal - defined by Merriam Webster’s as “a person who performs routine or menial tasks for another” and as “a person who serves or collaborates with another, especially in the commission of base acts.”

Meanwhile, courtesy of the World Wide Web, are the top 10 sneaker names rejected by Reebok:

- Arythmias by Hakeem

- Dennis Rodman Jerkinstocks

- The Penile Pump

- The Speculum

- Opie Taylor All-Stars

- Larry Bird Slow-Assed White Boy Sneakers

- Tickle Me Barkley

- Air Rodman Cross Trainer/Cross Dresser

- ‘Bok Martens

- Air Brando

A little chin music, please

When the Atlanta Braves come to bat at the new Turner Field this season, appropriate music for that particular player will be piped over the P.A.

Some players like the idea. Some are indifferent. And some can’t stand it. A potential Braves musical sampler:

Mark Lemke: “Metallica. ‘Just don’t go to sleep. Sleep with one eye open …’ ”

Chipper Jones: Uncertain. David Justice’s suggestion: “Play That Funky Music White Boy.”

Jeff Blauser: “None. They can pick whatever they want. Song du jour.” Pause. “Kate Smith. God Bless America.”

Greg Maddux: “When I come to the plate? Funeral music? Maybe ‘Take It Easy On Me.”’

Quarterback protection

Just when Green Bay Packers fans thought they had every imaginable trinket to honor their Super Bowl champs, along comes the “Sport a Legend” condom by the Cheese Head Condom Co.

The green-and-gold packet was designed by graphic designer Dan Gautraud and his fiancee, Patty Mueller.

“We were brainstorming, how far can we go with the Packers stuff?” Gautraud said.

Who says a man doesn’t think with his brain?

Tyra Banks, your job is safe

Cross-dressing Dennis Rodman has done it again.

The Chicago Bulls basketball star posed, uh, seductively in a two-piece woman’s bathing suit for the cover of April’s issue of Sport magazine.

Ready for summer, a grinning Rodman shows off his tattoos and bellybutton hoop as well as the red-and-white bathing suit by Trashy Lingerie, which already had his measurements on file.

Thirty-six, 24 … wait, those are lengths of his suspensions.

The last word . . .

“It’s rough out there. I was sweating. I have to get some cheaper clothes.”

- Magic interim coach Richie Adubato, after his Orlando debut

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo


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