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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Electrical Workers Get Quite A Shock From ‘Put-On Artist’

Ten minutes past noon, a nondescript guy in a gray suit stepped onto a podium and fiddled nervously with his microphone.

The 120 people attending the Inland Northwest Electrical League Thursday luncheon applauded politely. They paid $20 each for a plate of bland food and a rah-rah speech by the deputy director of the Department of Energy.

That’s what they thought, anyway.

These unsuspecting electrical workers didn’t know they were in for a bigger shock than if they all plugged their tongues into the nearest outlet.

April Fool’s came early, thanks to Bob Ross, a nationally known satirist who bills himself as a professional “put-on artist.”

The popular banquet speaker delivers ludicrous messages that are tailor-made to tweak the sensibilities of his audience.

Attired in camouflage as Maj. Gen. John Kelly, he once told gap-jawed listeners how he really ran the Gulf War while Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf was off bowling with Saudi princes.

Another time he was Dr. Ronald Hatcher, an expert in streamlining government. He told incredulous California purchasing agents their jobs were a useless drain on the economy.

He came to Spokane’s Red Lion Hotel as Dr. Harvey Hollingsworth.

The conspiracy began last year, when Northwest Electrical League board members hired Ross after hearing of his off-beat presentation.

They armed him with enough technical data to make him sound credible. Bonnie Ullman, the league’s director, even had the gall to sucker this newspaper. We printed a press release promoting Hollingsworth’s bogus lecture. (The journalism gods will get you, Bonnie.)

So there were no reasons to doubt this unassuming man when he launched into his address.

For the first 15 minutes, listeners squirmed in increasing discomfort as the so-called deputy director blatantly endorsed Al Gore for president and then announced the DOE’s master plan to eliminate the public’s reliance on hydroelectric power.

It was quite possibly the worst news anyone in the Northwest energy biz could imagine. And they paid good money to hear it.

Hollingsworth advocated windmill farms, thermonuclear fusion, and harnessing gamma rays that occur during violent weather. “An ice storm, such as the one you experienced last November,” he explained, “would be viewed as a positive thing.”

The contingent of Washington Water Power employees grimaced at that one.

Hollingsworth dropped a bombshell: The feds intended to shift current from the standard 110-220 volts to “300-volt single phase.”

Forks stopped in midair. Eyes widened. The silence made a funeral sound like a circus.

Sure, a voltage change would render household appliances useless, the speaker added, but manufacturers would be able to “sell a lot of new merchandise.”

Finally, some laughter.

“I knew we had idiots running the government,” Tom Hannon of the Bonneville Power Administration remarked after Ross’ speech. “This was total confirmation.”

When the absurdity level peaked, Ross fessed up: “I guess you’ve figured out I’m not really the deputy director of the Department of Energy.”

As he does wherever he goes, Ross finished his speech talking seriously about the need for more humor.

The Inland Northwest Electrical League’s practical joke was a hilarious hit. Well, except for a few humor-impaired souls who resented having their legs yanked.

Two men walked out during the Hollingsworth spiel. Bob Gentry, a college professor, was steamed up more than a locker room mirror.

Interested in alternative energy, Gentry paid to hear a DOE man. A real DOE man. “I was personally offended,” he groused, accusing the Electrical League of “a bait and switch” scheme.

Aw, lighten up, Bob. If Electrical League board members don’t refund your money, I’m sure they’ll give you a free ticket to their next lecture.

I hear Thomas Edison’s giving the keynote address.

, DataTimes