A Dad And His Daughters Single Father Puts Energy And Creativity Into Raising Two Girls

We always hear a lot about “deadbeat dads.” I think it’s time to say something about a good dad. I’m not trying to pat myself on the back, but I’m proud of what I’ve done and continue to do and I would like to share it.

I’m a 42-year-old divorced male, with full custody of my two daughters, who are 18 and 16. I’ve had custody of them since May of 1990. Their mother and I were divorced in June of 1982. From 1982 to 1990, they lived with their mother. From the time we were divorced I took the girls every Friday night through Monday morning without fail. I paid my child support every month, bought the majority of their school clothes and paid for their medical insurance.

What I have done and continue to do on a daily basis most men couldn’t do, and some of them that could, probably wouldn’t. I have been their father first, their counselor, their banker, their taxi, their driving teacher and tried to be their mother. I’ve cooked, cleaned, done laundry, attempted to do their hair and occasionally sewed on a button.

I’ve gone grocery shopping, school shopping, birthday shopping and Christmas shopping, more shopping than I care to think about sometimes. I have even helped them pick out everything from feminine items to bras and underwear. I’ve literally devoted my life to my daughters, putting their needs first and my own wants and needs second, or on hold.

I have also been successfully self-employed since 1989, which allows me to change my work schedule to accommodate school functions, and social events a parent should be involved in with their children. I’ve gone to all the parent/teacher conferences, the school sporting events, concerts, dinners, picnics, open houses, taco feeds and so on.

When they were still in grade school, I would pack cold lunches with some kind of surprise and a note at the bottom of the bag letting them know I was thinking of them and I loved them.

I managed to keep my sanity and an open line of communication through middle school and the “dreaded” adolescence time period. They always knew that they could talk to me about anything and they did just that.

I’ve done all of the doctor, dentist and hospital stays. During the hospital stays, even the overnight visits. Those cots weren’t the most comfortable, but they were functional.

I’ve decorated the house with streamers and balloons and put on birthday/slumber parties. I fixed the birthday dinners for as many as 10 young women and the girls’ godparents. We did the birthday party games and watched movies. The next morning I fixed what I call “marathon” French toast for the party stayovers.

Every summer I would rent a motor home and let each of the girls invite a friend to go on vacation with us to the lake for a week. This was always a very fun time for the five of us. We all have very special memories of these trips.

A teacher from middle school that both girls had over the years once said to me, “I don’t know what your secret is in raising your daughters, but if you could bottle it you would be a millionaire.” My response was “you can’t bottle love.”

I’ve been very fortunate that both of the girls have done very well in school. They both were always on the honor roll with a 3.5 GPA or above. My oldest just finished a Nurses Assistant Certified course and my youngest just brought home another 4.0 report card.

Yes, it’s a big commitment and a lot of hard work being a good father, but it also really does have great rewards. For Christmas 1996, my girls wrote and framed a poem and gave it to me on Christmas morning. It’s a very powerful poem, and you can only imagine how it made me feel.

Our Father, Our Friend

Being a dad isn’t always an easy thing to do

But God knew the job was meant for you

Whenever we’ve needed you, you’ve always been there

You’ve always let us know how much you care

There are times when we argue, fuss and fight

And we think you are wrong and we were right

But deep down inside we know the truth

You are stronger than inexperienced youth

You say that we are the most important thing in life

That must be why you don’t have a wife

Just one of the sacrifices you had to make

To uphold this responsibility you chose to take

If we didn’t have you, we wouldn’t have had anyone

To do for us all the things that you have done

We know how hard all of this has been on you

And we have seen all the pain and worry we put you through

You always understand where we are coming from

And when we do something stupid, you never call us dumb

You’ve always made us feel so safe and secure

And we appreciate everything you do for us year after year

You’ve always put food on our table and made ends meet

Like your French toast, you couldn’t be more sweet

We just wanted to tell you thank you

And let you know how much we love you

This love for you is so strong it will never end

You are not only our daddy, you are our best friend

Written especially for you

With love, Danelle and Rhonda

1996

I would just like to say, maybe if more people would show their children that they are needed, cared about and most importantly loved, we would be living in a nicer society.

Staff illustration

MEMO: Rick Johnson is self-employed in the RV business in Spokane.