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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Academy Voters’ Memories Run As Deep As A Tin Cup

John Blanchette The Spokesman-Re

Oscar depression. Once again, none of my favorite movies won anything.

So, I’d like to thank the Academy … for nothing. Two thumbs down for ignoring these worthy films, even if they all figure to go straight to video:

First Strike - Zero-tolerance umpire Jackie Chan ejects Mariners manager Lou Piniella with a vengeance after Edgar Martinez gets called out on a pitch 3 feet above his head.

Secrets and Lies - Washington State basketball coach Kevin Eastman either has or hasn’t talked to the athletic director at Richmond, or anybody who lives there, or has ever passed through it, in the last 24 hours, give or take a few minutes, about a job, or how the weather is. Honest.

Dante’s Peak - Baseball comes to its senses and realizes that playing games in mile-high Denver makes a mockery of the game. But slugger Dante Bichette, sensing his career will go down the drain at sea level, takes Coors Field hostage until the scoreboard blows and havoc ensues.

One Fine Day - The Mariners and King County finally set an opening date for the new baseball stadium: Trey Griffey’s 18th birthday.

Private Parts - A horse is a horse, of course, of course, unless that horse is Cigar and he’s a dud as a stud.

Booty Call - Cecil Fielder, weighing in for spring training at 272 pounds, says he’s put his disagreements with George Steinbrenner behind him.

2 Days in the Valley - Sports writer with a 35 handicap dares to play 18 holes at MeadowWood with just one sleeve of Titleists.

Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves - Kansas, South Carolina and Cincinnati get downsized in the office copier when Dick Vitale takes charge of the NCAA pool.

Liar, Liar - Pete Liske says the University of Idaho’s athletic budget needs just $150,000 more to compete in the Big West than it did in the Big Sky. Vandal boosters pledge to raise it. Lo, after one year, UI athletics are $359,000 in the red and Pete Liske has a new job in Toledo.

That Thing You Do - The NBA tells Dikembe Mutombo he can’t wag his finger at opponents after he blocks their shots.

Meet Wally Sparks - The Mariners’ search for a respectable fifth starter turns up … Rodney Dangerfield?

Absolute Power - There’s hell to pay for young Neil Reed when the troops of Gen. Robert Montgomery Knight lose in the first round of the Big Dance for the third straight year.

That Darn Cat - Cougar athletic director Rick Dickson teases his alums with the notion of moving the UCLA game to the Kingdome.

101 Dalmatians - Surprise winner of the Iditarod: Cruella De Vil!

High School High - Kevin Garnett, Kobe Bryant, Jermaine O’Neal, Tracy McGrady and Shawn Kemp wind up on the same NBA team, and it’s a barrel of laughs for coach Jon Lovitz.

The Stupids - Acting Commissioner for Life Bud Selig gavels a meeting of baseball owners to order.

Tin Cup - Poor Paul Allen tries to get financing for a new Seahawks stadium with a personal appeal on the corner of Riverside and Howard.

Fargo - In bleak Minnesota, Clem Haskins pulls off the perfect crime - getting a Big Ten team into the Final Four. You betcha.

Lost Highway - Join the intrepid Washington State baseball team for the 1997 season.

Lone Star - After trading away his entire team, Mavericks general manager Don Nelson is the only basketball name anyone in Dallas recognizes. And he rather prefers it that way.

A Few Good Men - Riddick Bowe can’t handle the truth.

Jerry Maguire - Down-on-his-luck agent advises Tennessee quarterback Peyton Manning that he could really use a little more seasoning, and that he’d probably be a third-round NFL draft pick at best.

Fools Rush In - Which is why the Kelowna Rockets find themselves trailing the Spokane Chiefs 2-zip.

Scream - Dave Niehaus and Rick Rizzs each take a year’s sabbatical from Mariners broadcasts, leaving Ron Fairly solo at the mike.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame - New Irish football coach Bob Davie tries a cockamamie approach: letting quarterback Ron Powlus throw on first down.

Beavis and Butthead Do America - Jerry Jones and Barry Switzer, back for another NFL season.

, DataTimes The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = John Blanchette The Spokesman-Review