Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News

The prosecution is playing right into McVeigh’s hands

The Timothy McVeigh defense strategy is really starting to jell. Yes, McVeigh hated the government. Yes, he rented that Ryder truck. Yes, he told his friends he was going to blow up the federal building. On the other hand, even O.J. got off.

Something like this happens every millennium or two

Clinton and Republican leaders reached a historic agreement to balance the budget by the year 2002. It’s historic, of course, because the budget won’t be balanced again for another 2,002 years.

British voters sweep “Bubba” Blair into office

The similarities between new British Prime Minister Tony Blair and Bill Clinton are uncanny. Blair is a smooth-talking, baby boomer liberal-turned-centrist, who announced plans yesterday to rent out the Winston Churchill Water Closet to big donors.

You tell me what this says about America

The biggest comedy event in America occurred this week when “Ellen” came out of the closet. Not too long ago, a big comedy event consisted of Fibber McGee opening the door to his.

The common-sense compromise to that Texas standoff

Didn’t anybody consider the obvious solution to the Texas separatists standoff? Take it. Texas is yours. Fine with us.

, DataTimes MEMO: Bottom Lines is Jim Kershner’s look at issues in the news. The views are the writer’s.