Arrow-right Camera
The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Cheap Seats

Dragged stroking and screaming

Britain’s foremost rowing club, a bastion of male exclusivity for 179 years, has decided to give membership to women.

Well, maybe decided isn’t the right word. The National Lottery made it clear that the Leander Rowing Club wouldn’t receive any money if it remained exclusive, and the club needs $3.8 million for redevelopment.

John Beveridge, honorary secretary of the club, was quick with the spin, however.

“The main thing is that 20 years ago, British women were not reaching Olympic finals,” he said. “Now they are, and we have to ask ourselves how long we can go on being the country’s leading rowing club if we exclude them.”

But now that British women are reaching Olympic finals, what do they need you for?

The target is a bit Fuzzy

Let’s let the real jokesters - the pros - get some swings in on Fuzzy Zoeller.

From Jay Leno: “Fuzzy’s supporters said today he didn’t intend to say anything harmful, that he is colorblind. You ever seen professional golfers? You gotta admit, they are colorblind. Plaid pants, striped shirts, white shoes.”

From David Letterman: “Should be a pretty good show - the ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ reunion. They’ve added a new redneck boob to the cast - Fuzzy Zoeller.”

And, batting cleanup, Conan O’Brien:

“It’s been reported that Tiger Woods is dating Tyra Banks. Not only that, but Fuzzy Zoeller’s dating Marge Schott.

“In a recent interview, Tiger Woods said he’s one-quarter African American, one-quarter Thai, one-quarter Asian, one-eighth Caucasian and one-eighth Native American. After hearing this, Fuzzy Zoeller tried coming up with an ethnic joke and then his head exploded.

“In this month’s GQ, Tiger Woods makes a demeaning joke about lesbians. Now, if we can just get Ellen DeGeneres to offend Fuzzy Zoeller, everyone will be even.”

The last man’s club

White Sox pitcher Danny Darwin wondered the other day how many active players were around when Cal Ripken Jr. began his consecutive games streak on May 30, 1982.

The answer is 23: Darwin, Harold Baines, Tony Pena and Tony Phillips of the Sox, plus Wade Boggs, Brett Butler, Chili Davis, Dennis Eckersley, Jim Eisenreich, Gary Gaetti, Tony Gwynn, Rickey Henderson, Rick Honeycutt, Dennis Martinez, Willie McGee, Paul Molitor, Mike Morgan, Eddie Murray, Jesse Orosco, Tim Raines, Ryne Sandberg, Lee Smith and Fernando Valenzuela.

“We should all get Rolexes,” Darwin said. “We should get together and take a team picture.”

Don’t forget to write

Letter to Bernie Lincicome of the Chicago Tribune: “It’s disgusting that your cynical, anti-Illini views are splashed on the front page of the sports section. Is every team that loses a close, hard-fought game going to be labeled a ‘choke’ by you?’ ” Lincicome’s reply: “The name ‘Bears’ is already taken.”

The last word …

“If he cut off his hair, his head would look like a toaster.”

- Knicks guard Chris Childs, on why Buck Williams refused to join teammates shaving their heads