Cubs, White Sox Put On Comedy Act

On the North Side, routine throws end up in the stands, two-strike pitches end up in the bleachers and base-running blunders end up in punch lines.

On the South Side, millionaire sluggers are flailing, paunchy pitchers are failing and apathetic fans are bailing.

This toddlin’ town has a long tradition of baseball futility - the White Sox last won the World Series in 1917, the Cubs in 1908. But this season has produced an amazing display of pathetic play.

The Cubs lost their first 14 games for the worst start in National League history, set another record with 19 April losses and took a 6-20 mark into the weekend. Despite a $54 million payroll that includes some $18 million for Frank Thomas and Albert Belle, the White Sox were 8-17.

Each team had the worst record in its league.

“Chicago is the best sports town in the world and the fans here deserve a winner,” said Cubs broadcaster Harry Caray, who announced White Sox games from 1971-81. “But I’m so old (77) that I won’t be around when one of these teams finally does win something.”

A Chicago baseball team is guaranteed to win at least three more games - June 16, 17 and 18. That’s when the Cubs and White Sox meet in the regular season as part of interleague play.

White Sox outfielder Dave Martinez, who played for the Cubs in the late 1980s, said that series at Comiskey Park “will change the whole meaning of cross-town rivalry.”

For now, the rivalry looks like a race to the 100-loss mark.

Though defeat is the norm at Wrigley Field and Comiskey Park, these Cubs and White Sox have turned futility into a bumbling, stumbling art form.

“I don’t think there’s a mistake you can make that we haven’t made,” Cubs general manager Ed Lynch said. “Bad base running. Bad hitting. Bad pitching. Bad infield play. Bad outfield play. We’ve done it all.

“We have to improve because we can’t play much worse.”

The Cubs finished April with a .228 batting average, a 4.84 ERA and 27 errors. They were outscored 133-95 and out-homered 28-15.

“There’s no way to sugarcoat it,” Cubs first baseman Mark Grace said. “We’ve played a lot of bad baseball.”

During their 0-14 start, the Cubs were lampooned by Jay Leno, roasted on local radio and mocked by newspaper columnists. And why not? The Cubbies provided some funny material.

“I don’t have any use for the sarcasm and the mean-spirited stuff,” said Cubs manager Jim Riggleman, whose job probably isn’t in jeopardy because team president Andy MacPhail is known for being patient. “But I’ve got a sense of humor, and even I laughed at some of the jokes.”

Laughing’s not as easy on the South Side.

Unlike the Cubs, who thought they might finish above .500 if they got some breaks, the White Sox expected to be among baseball’s best teams.

“I’ve done a lot of evaluation and it’s time to go out and get some wins,” general manager Ron Schueler said. “I don’t want to hear any more excuses.”